To Tell a Hawk From a Handsaw
by N. Reynolds
Summary: [Story Completed] Ranma realizes how messed up his life is, and comes up with a plan. Ranma pretends to be mad in order to outmaneuver his "friends" and "family." Insanity inspired by Hamlet, with influences from unpopular culture. FINAL CHAPTER POSTED!
1. Chapter 1

To Tell a Hawk From a Handsaw  
  
I have been defeated, totally. Me. I've trained my whole life to be the best martial artist in the world. I've put up with all of my Pop's hare-brained schemes so that I could become the best, and now I realized how easily anyone can defeat me.  
  
Today my mother came to the dojo, looking for me and my worthless father. Naturally I learned that my father had us sign a suicide pact that I'd become a "Man among Men", so I had to spend the day as a girl and pretend to be Ranko Tendo, so mom wouldn't discover my curse.  
  
It was after my mother left, that I started thinking about my day. I wanted to fly into her arms and cry. I wanted to yell at her and ask her why she abandoned me to my father. I wanted to tell her all that my brainless father had done, and watch her carve the panda up into steaks. Instead I did whatever anyone wanted me to.  
  
Everyone I know, knows me too well. They know what buttons to push to get me to respond the way they want. My father's been manipulating me for years. Soun alternately employs tears and his demon-head technique. Nabiki gets anything she wants from me. Even Kasumi can get me to do anything she wants. They could train my stand-in, and they wouldn't even need me around.  
  
But what brought this home to me was my mother. A complete stranger. Doesn't even know we're related. She tried to get me to act less like a tomboy, and she succeeded. Once I noticed that, I noticed how little control I had on my life.  
  
So, how can I regain control? Idealy I should change the type of person that I am. But that will never work. Personal growth takes way too long, and my puppet-masters will just learn my new triggers as fast as I change them. Leaving isn't an option. I've never succeeded in getting alone for long before. That leaves mis-direction.  
  
The only way for me to buy time is to confuse them. If I act irrationally, they wont see the effect their manipulations have on me. I'll have time to free myself of their controls. Tonight, I'll let my grief over the gaining and loosing of my mother be the ostensible reason for my descent into madness. From now on, I, Ranma, will be as free as a Kuno to do whatever strikes my amusement.  
  
But manipulating a Kuno is a game we all play. I'll tailor my madness to the individual to throw them into the most confusion. I will give them obvious controls to play with that connect to nothing in me. Nabiki has her hooks in me through embarrassing me and through possessions. I'll embarrass myself in my acts of madness and show no embarrassment, and then I'll treat my possessions and hers as meaningless paper. Randomly destroying things. My father I wont recognize, and I won't let a stranger goad me into fighting. Soun, I'll treat as a young child, and act as his moods dictate.  
  
Kasumi will be a hard one. Her manipulations seem to be done with the best intentions. I must harden my heart to her pain, and drive her to question whether her planned life for us all is really the best of ideas. Tofu I'll avoid, and play Kasumi against him. He won't see my charade if he's too busy dancing in the streets with Betty. And my fiancees? I shall return all of their affection while swearing vehemently that I hate them all.  
  
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The next morning was unusual in that the Saotomes weren't sparring. When Kasumi called breakfast, and neither Saotome appeared, she sent Akane to wake Ranma. But inside the Saotomes' bedroom, all she found was an unconscious Genma, and a mess. A quick search of the house, the dojo, and the roof didn't reveal Ranma.  
  
She was found lying on her back, around the side of the house, with her pigtail trapped by her shirt-collar, her shirt on inside out, and improperly buttoned. Akane nearly tripped over her. "Ranma, what are you doing there?"  
  
"Waiting."  
  
"Waiting for what!"  
  
"I don't know. When it comes, it should know its purpose."  
  
She practically drags Ranma to the table. After consuming Kasumi's cooking, Akane says "Come on, Ranma. It's time for school."  
  
"Then it is rude for school to be late. I expect it to be here promptly."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Don't you remember? You started this conversation. At least one of us should be listening to you."  
  
"Ranma! Let's go!"  
  
"I can't. I'm expecting my departed parents."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Before I was born, they expected me. Now that they're not here, it's only just that I expect them."  
  
"Your father is in your room unconscious, and your mother isn't coming today."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about. I have no parents. They may have conceived me, but I have yet to conceive them. Perhaps I should make them out of whole-cloth. I seem to remember my father should be a bag of gas that flaps in the wind. An Autumn koi streamer. Tell me, do you think I was born from koi?"  
  
Soun interrupts "I remember when your parents met. They were very deeply in love."  
  
"They should have conducted such matters in private. The depths my parents sunk to shouldn't be discussed in public."  
  
"You make their love sound almost obscene."  
  
"If it hadn't become obscene at some point, I should not exist, and we should not have known each other."  
  
"Ranma, If you don't go to school now, I'm going without you."  
  
"You've gone without me most of your life, feel free to continue."  
  
Akane leaves for school while shouting "Ranma no baka".  
  
Soun turns to Ranma, "Aren't you going to school with my daughter?"  
  
"I school my thoughts and expressions. Akane has never done that. Or did you mean Nabiki? I am not in her grade, nor could she make mine."  
  
"What are you taking about?"  
  
"You have too many daughters. It's forced you to mark them down and let them cheap to the first that's come along. Luckily your middle daughter sells herself without your help. She's well sought after, and as her only stock, she can charge highly for her favors. You do realize that most of the school has bought her favors? And paid dearly indeed."  
  
"How dare you impugn my daughter's honor!"  
  
"Did you think I meant sexual favors? I would never dare impugn Nabiki's honor; she does that herself. But maybe you meant one of your other daughters. Taking Kasumi as a wife is a bit unusual. She does set an excellent table, and keep a clean house. Unfortunately she's likely to bear daughters if genetics are to be followed, but you're used to a house of girls."  
  
"How dare you imply I've taken Kasumi as a wife!"  
  
"I never did. I was referring to whomever she would eventually marry. I seem to have upset you. I'll leave you to your thoughts, while I go looking for my parents. I'll start at the cemetery, and work my way back to the hospital birth ward. I should meet everyone that way."  
  
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A little while later, Genma comes downstairs, and sits opposite Soun at the shogi board. "Genma, what's going on with your son? He's been acting weird all morning."  
  
"I have no idea. I woke him this morning for sparring practice, and he just looked at me and said 'You should be quiet around sleeping people, idiot.' and then knocked me out using his amaguriken.  
  
"He was in his female form with his clothes incorrectly worn. He said his school should have been here by now, that his parents haven't been conceived, that Nabiki was a prostitute, and that it looked like I'd married Kasumi or something like that. Do you think he might have snapped because he couldn't be himself around his mother yesterday?"  
  
"It's probably just temporary, or some kind of joke, or a new curse or something. Nothing to worry about. He'll probably be back to normal as soon as school's over."  
  
"He didn't go to school. He went to look for his parents."  
  
"Do you think he's gone to Nodoka to tell her about his curse? We have to stop him! Let me turn into a panda, and we'll go watch Nodoka and intercept Ranma before he gets there!"  
  
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Akane came home from school in a foul mood. "Kasumi, where's Ranma!"  
  
"I've no idea. The house has been empty since shortly after you left from school. I haven't seen daddy, or either Saotome all day."  
  
"Don't worry about daddy. He and Ranma's father are probably starting another of their little schemes. Ranma didn't show up at school today."  
  
"Perhaps he's playing with one of his friends that drop by constantly."  
  
"Well, he hasn't been to the Nekohanten or Ucchan's, and that leaves the Kunos and Ryouga, and Ryouga's been gone a while. Sounds like Ranma's dragged some new weirdness to the area."  
  
At this point, Ranma walks in. Akane turns on him and growls "Where were you today! What have you gotten yourself into now?"  
  
"I've been looking for a family."  
  
"Whose family?"  
  
"A family for me. I haven't found anyone decent for my mother or father, but I've got a large number of people suitable to be my crazy uncle Jiro."  
  
"Where have you been all day?"  
  
"The cemetery. All parents wind up there eventually, but mine didn't show up no matter how long I waited. I guess it's for the best, I never wanted late parents."  
  
"Were you looking for your father?"  
  
"Among other relatives. But he's the hardest. I've yet to see a good role-model to determine what I'd like in a father. Kuno's father's ran away for years, while Ryouga lost his somewhere. Shampoo's is so innocuous that I'm not sure he really exists. Meanwhile the elders Tendo and Kuonji only seem to gripe about the unfairness of the world, while trying to fob off their daughters on others. I've yet to see a father worth his weight in rice. Mothers are much easier. The average mother is kind, gentle, loving, and dead. I just have to find the right woman and kill her."  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"What everyone wants. The bosom of the family, I seem to have misplaced mine. At least until I get splashed again. I'd best train until the master of the house returns. See you later."  
  
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Soun and Genma finally return from their pointless stakeout. Kasumi greets them "Oh, daddy! I'm glad you're here. I wouldn't have been able to delay dinner much longer."  
  
"Has Ranma come home?"  
  
"Oh yes. He came home shortly after Akane, but he was behaving a bit oddly."  
  
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"Dinner proceeded quietly. After dinner, Ranma commented "Excellent dinner, Kasumi, but I'm disappointed in you." This elicited odd looks from everyone."  
  
"Why are you disappointed?"  
  
"You've had the whole day to do anything, and all you've accomplished was that remarkable dinner, which is now gone. You could have stretched some canvasses, built a clay armature, or started writing a novel. But instead all your talent went into this mess that rumor tells me was a feast."  
  
"I'm content caring for my family."  
  
"How could you be? I'll admit that dinners like that will make you the last daughter he sells off, but you could be so much more."  
  
Soun roars "Sell off? How could you say that!"  
  
"'Choose any daughter,and she's yours', Sound familiar? All fathers sell their children. My going rate was fish, rice and 2 pickles. Anyone who paid more was swindled. What did you pay for me? Your dojo and a daughter? You should have offered food. Like the sake you drank the night you made your marriage pact."  
  
"That pact was a sacred oath!"  
  
"Made in the traditional manner in order to insure a traditional retirement, with the traditional grandkids, and the traditional shove into traffic when we no longer need babysitters."  
  
Soun bursts into tears "How could you say something like that?"  
  
To everyone's surprise, Ranma has run around the table and is patting Soun on the back "There, there. Stop crying. Everything will be all right. When you die, which is regrettable, but necessary, we'll tell everyone that you voluntarily took your life to end our burden, but were too clumsy to properly handle a tanto."  
  
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Nabiki finds Ranma in the dojo, and confronts him "I don't like the way you're treating my sisters and my father. I won't let you hurt my family."  
  
"Hurt your family? I couldn't if I tried. It was dead before I ever arrived. Your father sold one of you off before my birth, and you accompliced yourself to it when you made Akane my fiancee. Your older sister has hacked off those parts of her not needed for cooking and cleaning. Your younger sister has no control over her emotions, and has been trained by your father to the point that she's a public menace. And instead of helping any of them, you preferred to make a few yen off of your sister's problems. I was dragged here against my will, engaged to your sister with your help, and then forcibly restrained from leaving for China, and you have the nerve to say I'm the problem? Look to your own problems. If you want me to leave, secure my release. Without my freedom, I accept no blame."  
  
"I may not have been a saint, but I'm not going to let you do this."  
  
"What's it to be then, threats? 'Stop or I'll make your life hell.'? You've bought me, sold me, ransomed me, blackmailed me, invaded my privacy, sold my secrets to my enemies, blamed me for your sister's shortcomings, and blamed me for the actions of people who want to marry me against my will. After all that, how could you make my life hell?"  
  
"I could tell your mother about your curse."  
  
"I haven't got any parents to worry about. Until I find some you'll have to save that threat. For all you've done to me, I could kill you where you stand and God, himself, would call it justice. You have nothing I want or need, and you wont stop me from talking."  
  
"What do you mean you have no parents?"  
  
"I spent the day searching for some without any luck. Though I did find a nice windsock that struck me as fatherly, it wasn't puffed up with air. I suppose it couldn't look its best in a store window. Do you think fathers improve after being properly hung?"  
  
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Akane confronts Ranma, "What do you think you're up to now?"  
  
"Searching for the distinction between Affection' and Affectation', for the love of family is the root of all evil. You do love your family, don't you?"  
  
"Of course I do!"  
  
"Then if I became part of your family, you'd care for me, and stop hitting me?"  
  
"Who says I'd ever marry a jerk like you?"  
  
"I wasn't talking about us marrying. Since it's the older generation that wants it, my parents should settle it. Either we marry your father to whoever I find for a mother, or I select one of your sisters as a mother, and you become my aunt. Unfortunately both of your sisters are alive, that doesn't seem too motherly to me. I'm sure your father would be willing to remarry to meet family honor, since he thinks you should."  
  
"How could my father marry your mother? What about your father?"  
  
"i figure I can pick a mother that your father would like, better than you like me. As long as I don't pick my father until after my mother marries your father, then he shouldn't be a problem."  
  
"How can you pick your parents? You already have them!"  
  
"How could you pick your father? He engaged you against your will."  
  
"Stop acting crazy. What are you trying to pull?"  
  
"I'm trying to politely point out that I don't think much of your father marrying into my family. His daughters all have their benefits and disadvantages, but your father does nothing but demand, pontificate, and cringe whenever resisted. What's the difference between him and a bully?"  
  
"You take that back! My father's a kind man!"  
  
"Ahh, but what kind? I didn't call your father a bully, I'm asking you to explain to me why he isn't. I heard you've been bothered by boys your own age, and that your father has engaged you against your will to marry one of them. Is that kind?"  
  
"My father is doing what he thinks best."  
  
"Ahh, but best for whom? It can't be in your interest to engage you to someone you hate, unless you were incapable of getting a husband. And I know for a fact that the wealthy son of the Kuno line would make anyone wealthy for the opportunity to marry you. There's no way that he'd affiance his unborn daughter to an unmet inconcieved boy if he cared for her."  
  
"Don't you dare try to bring Kuno into this. I'd never marry him."  
  
"Dare to try'? I couldn't fail if I tried. All I'd have to do is propose to Kasumi, suggest an omiai with the Kunos, have Cologne drug you to keep you quiet and get you out of Shampoo's way, and you'd be married within two hours from now. Don't make empty threats to me, unless you really want to try to stop me. I'm enough a warrior to see an empty threat. Your unmarried state is due to my protection, and your sister's lazyness."  
  
"Nabiki? she wouldn't ..."  
  
"She's done everything else. She likes things the way they are. Why bother finding new scams? Better to avoid selling you off until after she milks this situation fully. Didn't she give you away to me the day we met? I wonder if she sells pictures of you abroad? No one would know if she sold locker-room pictures to foriegn porn magazines."  
  
"Even Nabiki wouldn't do that!"  
  
"Wouldn't sell pornographic pictures? She sells them regularly to a stalker who's after you. That makes her an accomplice. Child Pornographer, accomplice stalker, informant, professional gambler, fraud, extortion. Tell me, at what age did she get her first tatoo?"  
  
"My sister is not Yakusa!"  
  
"Then there'll be three groups after her when she reaches 18. Are you planning on protecting her from your country, your classmates, and your country's criminals simultaneously? It would leave Kasumi as the only Tendo who could go where she wants without fear, that is until someone shoots her to get at Nabiki. Put your own house in order before you criticize me."  
  
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Meanwhile, Nabiki is on the telephone "Hiroshi? This is Tendo Nabiki. Find Daisuke and meet me with or without him in front of the school in an hour. No excuses less than a death in your immediate family will be accepted." click  
  
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On her way home from a delivery, Shampoo spots Ranma in the Tendo's yard, and nearly lands on top of him. At the last minute, Ranma ducks to the side and avoids the bike. Shampoo glomps onto Ranma, and tries to give him a kiss. Everyone is surprised when Ranma responds amorously. Once the kiss ends, he pushes her away. As Shampoo falls to the ground, Ranma shouts "Don't tempt me again, you adulteress. I'm already married."  
  
Shampoo calls back, "What do you mean, you're married to me!"  
  
"I was married a few days before I met you, at my Father's prodding."  
  
Soun assumes his demon-head "Genma! How dare you!"  
  
"The boy is making it up!"  
  
"Pop, just because I haven't had a ceremony doesn't mean I'm not married. A marriage ceremony is merely a public confirmation of the fact that two people's souls are inextricably bound. Just because I never invited you all to a ceremony doesn't in the least affect my married status."  
  
"Genma! how could you push your son into marriage! What about our pact?"  
  
"Ranma, how could you say that I am responsible?"  
  
"You pushed me into Nyannichuan. And from that moment, I have been two bodies with one soul, therefor I am married."  
  
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Half an hour later, Nabiki watches Hiroshi and Daisuke walk up to the school gate, "Good. You've found him. I have a task for you, In return I'll wipe out your debt. Refuse and I'll collect immediately. Whether you have the cash, or not."  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"I want you to explain Ranma's current behavior, and help me reverse it."  
  
"Behavior? What's he up to now? We haven't seen him since class yesterday. He didn't show up today for class."  
  
"I'd rather not say. You'll see soon enough. Just find out what you can.  
  
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"I'm not sure I like this." Hiroshi was walking with Daisuke to the Tendo dojo. "Getting between Ranma and Nabiki doesn't strike me as a healthy position."  
  
"Well, we're there now. Lets just go see Ranma, it might be nothing."  
  
"It's more likely the return of Gojira, than it's nothing. This is Ranma we're talking about. Prince-bane, cursed, and multiply affianced."  
  
"I know, I know. Also contains Lanolin.' We don't have a choice. Lets get ringside seats to the latest insanity."  
  
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Hiroshi and Daisuke knock on the Tendo's door, and are shown into the dojo by Kasumi. Ranma stops his kata when he sees them enter. "Hey guys, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Well, you weren't in school today, so we thought we'd drop by. What happenned?"  
  
"I had to track down my old man, without success. But what's wrong? You never came to visit me here before. Why today?"  
  
"Nothing special, we just thought we'd stop by."  
  
"Come on. It's pretty obvious. Nabiki has probably started some new betting pool over my absense, and you're wondering how to bet. You can't tell me what, or Nabiki will never bet with you again. I haven't heard any new challenges, or seen Ryouga, so it must either deal with Akane or my mood, and she hasn't shown much concern over her sister lately. What has she been saying about me?"  
  
"Just that you've been behaving differently than normal."  
  
"That's a nice way of putting it. It's really very simple. My life has gotten impossible to live, so I'm doing something else."  
  
"Something other than living?"  
  
"In a way. I was trapped by all these family obligations. But now everyone wants me to return to the way things were, and stick my hand back into the wolf's maw. I'm not going to let that happen."  
  
"But what about your engagements?"  
  
"Are you sure that you can ask such a direct question? Wont Nabiki stop betting with you? I guess it doesn't really matter. They all stem from family honor, so either I'm engaged to everyone, or I'm engaged to no one. Family honor is a double edged sword. I've allowed myself to be pidgeonholed into everything because I wanted to protect everyone. But now I'm free, and some people will be wounded. This time it's serious, so be careful.  
  
"Is there going to be a fight?"  
  
"I'm fighting now. Nabiki might be my most dangerous opponent, but remember I rarely lose, and never when it matters, and it matters now.  
  
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Hiroshi and Daisuke were going home from their talk with Ranma. Hiroshi asked "So, what do you think?"  
  
"He was acting a bit odd, but we've got nothing to tell Nabiki."  
  
"I'm worried. We've always survived Ranma's insane life because he always looks out for others. If he's no longer going to protect everybody, we could be in real trouble."  
  
"So the next time he gets into a fight, we run the other way, instead of watch."  
  
"I don't think that's enough. Remember, he said he's fighting now. I think we'd better get out from between him and Nabiki."  
  
"How can we? Nabiki holds our promisary notes."  
  
Hiroshi thought for a while. "I'm going to ask my parents for an advance of my next 5 allowances. My parents are going to flip, but it will get me free of Nabiki."  
  
Daisuke shakes his head. "Better to play along with Nabiki. She'll wipe out your debt."  
  
"Would you accept money from Kuno to attack Ranma?"  
  
"This isn't like that. Nabiki only wants some information. This isn't attacking Ranma. I wouldn't betray anything important."  
  
"I don't know how, but I feel you are getting in over your head."  
  
"You're making too much of this. Go along with Nabiki, and it'll make the next five weeks nicer. At least you'll still have spending cash."  
  
"No. I'm getting out of this while I can. Ranma said this time was different."  
  
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Nabiki stops over at Ucchan to grab a quick snack, and to try to coax some money out of its proprietor. "I'll have the spring pork okonomiyaki, and I have some information for sale."  
  
"About Ranma?"  
  
"Who else? 1000 yen and the okonomiyaki for all I know about the new situation."  
  
"I could go there and find out for nothing."  
  
"True. I'm just offering advanced warning so that you can use forethought, and not risk putting your foot in it."  
  
"All right. What's happening now?"  
  
"Best guess is that he's having a nervous breakdown brought on by seeing his mother but having to remain in disguise. Since she left he's behaved oddly. He seems to believe he is without relatives, and wants to replace them. Doesn't care if his mother finds out about his curse, as he hasn't got a mother. Spent the day looking for one in the cemetary to replace his. He babbles, and criticizes Kasumi. Says alot of odd things about marriage and death."  
  
"And what is being done about this?"  
  
"Well, Akane is denying anything's changed, Kasumi hasn't responded yet, and our fathers are too busy to scheme how to use this to force a marriage, while they are trying to prevent him from spilling everything to his mother, whom he hasn't gone near as far as I can tell."  
  
"And you?"  
  
"I'm still making enquiries, and seeing what money there is to be had."  
  
"Ranchan", Ukyou called out as she entered the Tendo Compound. "I brought you some okonomiyaki."  
  
"Ucchan, my once and future friend. Come in."  
  
"Once and future friend'? Aren't we friends now?"  
  
"I have no friends. Just scheamers, rivals, and fiancees. Which one are you?"  
  
"I'm your cute fiancee."  
  
"There's your proof. A fiancee wants something of mine. Namely myself. A friend provides care unconditionally. Therefor, while I am your friend, you aren't mine."  
  
"We've been friends since we were six."  
  
"We've been affianced since we were six. We stopped being friends since then. I still have hope for the future. How could you desire me in marriage when I haven't already given myself to you?"  
  
"You know we were engagd by our fathers because we liked each other so much."  
  
"And I like you still. Clever, wasn't it, of your father to lessen our friendship by trying to engage me, wasn't it? Nothing seems to kill blossoming love like marriage. But you are mistaken. Your father could not engage us without the consent of my family, and I have no family. Therefor are we still friends."  
  
"We're both friends, and fiancees. Ever since your father accepted my dowery."  
  
"We're either one, or the other. Seeing as I've hardly had a real date, no friend of mine would propose. I haven't proposed to you as I need a friend, and no one else has the right to decide for us. Don't you agree?"  
  
"Your father took my dowery, and abandoned me by the side of the road! He ruined my life for ten years!"  
  
"You insult me to tie me to such an idiot. No one in their right mind would abandon you, either when you were six, or now. Come, let us be friends, and find the thief, and kill him."  
  
"You'd help me kill your own father?"  
  
"It's a silly question, as I've never had one to judge. I hope to find one soon, though. Could I interest you in a crazy uncle Jiro? I'm over-stocked with them. Come, be my friend, and lets forget this temporary delusion of yours."  
  
"You want me to give up my engagement and my honor?"  
  
"I want you to forget your delusion and be my friend, or propose to me, and prove you aren't."  
  
"If I propose to you, would you marry me?"  
  
"Marry someone who wasn't my friend? What would be the point? No, it would be some time before I'm ready to get engaged, and I won't accept a fiancee until then."  
  
"You deny our engagement? How could you do this to me?"  
  
"I've already shown you we couldn't be engaged, and that if we were, we wouldn't be. You can't deny logic."  
  
"How could you do this to me?"  
  
"Ahh, you're mad at me, then maybe we are engaged. To bad, I wanted a friend."  
  
"We can be friends and be engaged."  
  
"No we can't You can say we're engaged, and I can be your friend. But that's as far as it can go."  
  
Ukyou, uncharacteristically, leaves in tears. Ranma thinks "God I hate this. I really care for Ukyou. But this will only work if I behave similarly to everyone. I can't trust anyone with the secret that my madness is contrived, especially when they're holding an engagement over my head, unless I'm ready to marry them immediately. I'm not ready to marry anyone. I haven't even had a normal date yet. I'm going to marry who I decide. And no family or friends are going to force me. I'll find a way out of this mess yet."  
  
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Author's notes: Ranma's plans will not survive contact with the enemy.  
  
Neither did mine when writing this story. At this point I had Hiroshi and Ukyou pegged as joint Horatios, and Daisuke playing both Posencrantz and Guildenstern to Nabiki's King.  
  
On Ranma's vocabulary. I tried dumbing his speech down, but I just can't do it. Ranma's vocabulary is OOC for this fic. If you think the rest of him is out of character, tell me  
  
I beg most sincerely for comments, reviews, corrections, and errata. 


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Ranma couldn't be found for breakfast. Akane became furious due to this change in her routine, and the probability that she'd have still more questions to answer at school.  
  
But when she got to her classroom, she found Ranma packing up the last of the camping equipment he used to make his breakfast. "Ranma! where were you this morning?"  
  
"Right here. Everyone made such a fuss over my absense yesterday, I decided to put off my search and show up."  
  
"Everybody was worried when they couldn't find you this morning!"  
  
"The only one back there who might have worried about me is Kasumi. Everyone else there was worried that they might not be able to benefit from me."  
  
At this point Miss Hinako walked in, and asked Ranma "Where were you yesterday?"  
  
"Just trying to deal with some family business."  
  
"I don't believe you. Go stand in the hall."  
  
At this, Ranma starts laughing. Before Miss Hinako could get over her surprise at this unexpected response, Ranma explains "I didn't attend class yesterday, so as punishment you want me to miss class today? Punish me some more, and I'll have enough time for a holiday in Okinawa. That's just the sort of reaction I should have expected from a bully like you."  
  
"How dare you call me a bully! I'm a teacher, you delinquent."  
  
"Just because you have a position of authority doesn't mean you're not a bully. I judge you as a bully, and it's even worse seeing as you've attained a position of authority to protect your depredations against others."  
  
"How dare you say that! Happo Go-en Sa..."  
  
Ranma's pencil knocked the 5 yen coin from her fingers. "Typical first response of a bully is violence. Why don't you try convincing me that I'm in the wrong?"  
  
"You already know you're wrong, you delinquent."  
  
"And you knew it before you met me. That sounds like an amoral bias for a teacher. How did you first know I was a problem student?"  
  
"I was brought here because of your fights!"  
  
"And you never asked me about them. It seems you took the word of our principal, A man who'd be institutionalized if he weren't a rich aristocrat. You must have seen that in spite of his job, he really shouldn't be allowed anything more dangerous than a plastic spoon."  
  
"We're not discussing the principal here, we're discussing you."  
  
"No. We were discussing you. You took the word of a nutcase with a truely bizarre number of neuroses, and based on that, decided I was the enemy before you met me, and NEVER asked me for my reasons before trying to punish me. I guess I couldn't expect that the voluntary disciple of Happosai would turn out any better than an energy vampire addict, who doesn't care if she drains an innocent as long as she gets her fix."  
  
"I drain you because you're always in the middle of every disturbance."  
  
"That doesn't mean I'm guilty. The nail that sticks up is pounded down' is a statement of regretable human nature, not an excuse for an authority figure who should find out as much as they can before dealing out punishments. I no longer recognize your authority in dealing out punishment. You'll have to convince me before I do."  
  
"You'll obey me or I'll drain you."  
  
"The second refuge of the bully, threats. What would you do to someone you couldn't drain, who rapes a student, Miss Hinako?"  
  
"I'd have him arrested."  
  
"And if that didn't work?"  
  
"Why anything I needed to do in order to punish him."  
  
"So, do you think we should treat you that way for your draining us of our life force?"  
  
"I only take battle aura."  
  
"Until that fails. Then you bring out the 50 yen piece, and rip the life force from our bodies."  
  
"It does no lasting damage."  
  
"The physical damage from rape can be relatively minor, and heals quickly. Your only excuses can be either your assigned authority, the idea that we passively agree to it due to your position, or that you are doing it out of a moral imperative. I heave just denied accepting it due to your position, and you've never tried to understand the situation before draining someone. Don't pick up another ring until we settle this. What should I do to you as I can't drain you, or get you arrested, if you try to take my life force?"  
  
"But you're a delinquent! Your parents send you here,and put you under my authority."  
  
"Stop calling me derogatory things, it's beneath a teacher. I have no parents yet, and came here on my own volition."  
  
"Even if you have lost your parents, then you are here as wards of the state."  
  
"I never had parents. I have no passport,and I go from country to country without one. I have a tribe of violent maniacs that claim I'm a chinese citizen by marriage. I haven't accepted their country either, even though I've had to fight for my freedom. Japan claims I'm too young for any rights, but that they can bind me in marriage, and do nothing about the people who dayly proclaim they are trying to kill me, and often come close. Tell me again how you assume authority to punish me?"  
  
"You're Japanese, you have to obey the law, and the laws make me your teacher."  
  
"I'm Japanese by race and culture. I'm ronin, A member of a country of one. I claim diplomatic immunity."  
  
"Very funny. You don't have immunity."  
  
"You deny it? Then diplomacy has broken down. Are we at war? Even though I never signed the Geneva convention, I'll allow you to remove the civilians from the school before I destroy it."  
  
"Cut that out. We're not at war. You can't claim the rights of a ronin since the Tokugawa era."  
  
"I tell you my nonexistant ancestors were unaffected. You allow the principal's whelp to pretend nothing has changed."  
  
"Leave the Kunos out of this, they have nothing to do with it."  
  
"Of course they do. My first punishment at this school was for being late because I was attacked by him on school grounds for talking with my fiancee. By punishing me and not him, the school condoned it. You claim your authority over me from them, but the school lost it before you arrived."  
  
"I'll tell your parents about this, and let them punish you then!"  
  
"You'll have to wait until I find them first. Your only other two choices are the principal, and the police. The principal is a bad joke, and the police would have to acknowledge my accusation of your attempted rape, while I stood before them glowing with energy. That is if they take you seriously."  
  
"Ranma, this is your last warning. Go stand in the hall!"  
  
"Finally. the last refuge of the bully. The unsuported threat. You're wasting our time. Class started 5 minutes ago. Either teach me or let me leave and do something worthwhile."  
  
"That's it, by my power as disciplinarian, you're suspended."  
  
"Ah, the face saving gesture. Ordering me to do what I just threatened to do. Have a good day."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Genma, in human form, and Soun were playing Shogi. Genma, apparently deep in thought, as unlikely as it is, suggests "Tendo, maybe we're taking the wrong approach with Ranma."  
  
"What do you mean, Saotome?"  
  
"Fate has driven my son temporarily around the bend. Instead of trying to deal with this, we should regard it as an opportunity to use in uniting our families."  
  
"I'm not sure I like the idea of Akane being married to a deranged Ranma."  
  
"I'm sure we can keep Akane safe. Remember, we can keep Ranma female as long as we like while we look for a cure to his madness. And if we can't find one, Akane could adopt or find someone else to supply her with a child. Then we could have Ranma committed, and raise our heir to the two schools ourself."  
  
"It's better than waiting for him to recover from this new mess."  
  
"And if we don't strike soon, one of the other girls might trick him through a ceremony first."  
  
"You're right, Saotome. We must strike now, for Akane's future happiness, and the future of our schools."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Ranma returns home to find Akane watching TV, and Genma and Soun playing Shogi. Upon entering, Soun and Genma charge Ranma demanding to know how he became suspended. Ranma ignores Genma until Genma grabs him by the arm. Ranma glares at Genma and says "This doesn't concern you." and throws Genma over his shoulder through the unfortunately closed door.  
  
Ranma then turns to the shocked Soun and says "I was asked to leave by that six year old bully that Happosai trained. But that's not important. Let us go into the main room. We have things to discuss." Ranma then leads a stunned Soun into the living room, and seats him at the shogi board, and takes Genma's position.  
  
When it looked like Soun was recovering, Renma announced "I think it's time we discussed the possible merging of our families."  
  
At this point, Kasumi, Nabiki, and Genma appear in the room as if they teleported. Ranma turns on his father, and says "This is a private affair between the Saotomes and the Tendos. If you want to remain, you'll have to be a panda." and throws his father's drink in his face.  
  
"Now. Mr. Tendo. You want to join our families together so that a child of both our lines may learn both of our schools. To this end you've decided to give me Akane. Even though neither of us are ready for such a change. You want us to go ahead immediately. Before we proceed, I have to make a final attempt to dissuade you, or at least convince you to wait. First I must tell you that I do not think I am ready to have a family of my own. Will you accept this as a reason to defer all of this?"  
  
"No, son. I think you're old enough. You'll do just fine."  
  
"I know you think so, and I thank you for your confidence. But I don't think I'm ready. Isn't that enough of a reason to defer this?"  
  
"No son, I don't think so."  
  
"All right, the next thing I must bring up is that your daughter is not ready for such a major upheaval. I ask you to defer this for her sake."  
  
"She will do what I say to satisfy family honor." At this statement, Akane goes from angry to a slow boil.  
  
"I'm not asking how dutiful she is. I'm asking you to consider her feelings in the matter. Will you defer for Akane's feelings?" Akane is understandably surprised at Ranma acting thoughtful of her, so she fails to explode when her father says "No, I will not defer."  
  
"Finally, I must point out the fact that Akane and I argue alot. Until this is resolved I think it is wise that we defer."  
  
"You will learn to love each other."  
  
"Again that isn't the point. The future will take care of itself. I said we argue. shouldn't we defer."  
  
"Again I must say no. I see no reason to defer."  
  
"For clarification, Akane is the heir to the Tendo school of Anything Goes?"  
  
"Yes, she is my chosen heir."  
  
"In that case, In order to fulfil your wishes, and to satisfy family honor, I will adopt her."  
  
There was a large face fault.  
  
"Adopt?" Soun screamed.  
  
Yes, the daughter of both our families will be both our heirs. I'll train her in my school, and this way honor is satisfied."  
  
"But I wanted you two to marry."  
  
"I can't marry now. My honor requires me to marry too many different people. It's stupid to think I'd marry for honor, when I'd loose it through marrying. No. Better we make Akane my daughter. After all, I won't make her marry against her will."  
  
"But, but, but you're too young!"  
  
"I know, But if you remember, you said that was no reason to defer."  
  
"But Akane's too old to be adopted."  
  
"Not really. She's young enough to be adopted as long as she's young enough to be forced into an engaged marriage, And your actions in forcing her so far are probably sufficient reason to get her removed from your care under the definitions of child abuse. I'm sure Nabiki could handle the paperwork for her step-sister."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
As Kasumi brings in the evening's dinner, Ranma comments "Another lovely meal. Kasumi, why don't you get a job as a professional chef?"  
  
"I'm needed here."  
  
"Nonsense. For the last ten years, I've cleaned up after myself, I'm sure your family can learn to do as well as I did at six."  
  
"Someone has to do things like laundry and shopping."  
  
"But no one is needed to play shogi. Surely if someone plays shogi regularly, they have time to do their part in helping the family."  
  
Soun yells "I do my part by bringing in the money this family needs!"  
  
"I wouldn't brag about that, as your middle daughter feels she doesn't get enough, and needs to extort money from your guests. You've misplaced your co-parent, why have you dumped your wife's chores on your daughter? Surely after having wasted your life doing Happosai's chores, you should be able to handle your own."  
  
"You don't know what it's like, loosing your wife. You have no right to comment."  
  
"So no one here has a right to comment? How convenient. I still say that Kasumi's life is being spent fixing other people's messes."  
  
Nabiki comments "Alot of those messes are caused, or worsened by you, Ranma."  
  
"I'm the prisoner of Akane and her father. The only person here who ever treated me as a person has been Kasumi. The responsibility for my messes devolves to my Jailors, not the decent Kasumi."  
  
Akane yells "Jailor? I wish I'd never met you!"  
  
Ranma answers "My mistake. My only jailor is your father. You're only the sadistic guard. Soun, may I leave for China?"  
  
"Not until you marry my daughter."  
  
"Voluntarily hand over the little freedom I have? Look at the examples of husbands I have in front of me. One man (and I use the term broadly) who left his wife for ten years, and one whose wife left him ten years ago. Would either of you consent to be rejoined with your wives?"  
  
"There are times I've wanted to follow her, but I must look after my little girls."  
  
"You have no little girls, just three daughters of marriageable age. Don't use them as an excuse for living off of Kasumi's effort. Kasumi, as the most decent person here, I beg you, please think a little about your own life. Even if your dreams are dead, look for new ones."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
The next morning Ranma wakes up slowly. Instead of the normally abrupt methods that Akane and Genma usually use, Ranma finds himself waking due to the uncomfotableness of his position, and the incessant talking going on. Ranma slowly realizes that he's wearing a tuxedo, with his arms bound to a broomstick running through both sleeves, which his father is using to hold him up. He fully awakens, just in time to hear "If anyone here knows of any impediment as to why these two should not be wed, speak now, or forever hold his peace."  
  
"I'm afraid I do know of some impediments."  
  
"Huh?" the priest responds to the interruption.  
  
The parents are quick to brush this aside, "It's only a retorical question, like all the others in the service. Father, continue."  
  
Ranma interrupts. "It's no good glossing over the facts. The bride is asleep, and judging from her black-rose corsage, drugged to the gills. The bride's father regards me as insane, and has never approved of my actions towards his daughter except for the time he mistakenly assumed I was trying to rape her. And the man holding me up has for years been pleased by the marriage he arranged for me when I was very young. A marriage which he approves, and which has not been annulled. So how could I marry again?"  
  
The priest turns to Soun. "You told me that he was deaf and mute, and that was why he nodded to indicate his vows!"  
  
Soun on the other hand was objecting to Ranma. "Don't pull that married to yourself bit again."  
  
Ranma objects. "No, this is a marriage that my father prefers over even the Tendo relationship. He'd have your daughter be my second wife at best, or at least my mistress."  
  
Soun's sudden attack on Genma with an unsheathed Katana, barely gave Kasumi enough time to catch her youngest sister, as Soun dropped Akane while trying to kill his best friend. The priest turns to Ranma and says. "You mean to tell me that you are already married?"  
  
Ranma replies "Since a very early age, I've been married to Martial Arts. It has been my sole friend and comfort for years. I see no indication that I'll ever love anyone the same way."  
  
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Author's notes: Please, please, please review.  
  
And please forgive Ranma's Language abilities. 


	3. Chapter 3

When Ranma comes home. Soun stops him, and says "Son, there's someone in your room I'd like you to talk to."   
  
Upon entering his room, He's greeted by a man he's never met before. The man, wearing a suit, and carrying a leather bound pad of paper, stands up, and introduces himself. "How do you do, Ranma Saotome. I'm Yanagawa from the court of protection. Do you know why I'm here?"   
  
"No. I wasn't told anything about this meeting."   
  
"Several people have questioned your sanity. I was sent here to report to the courts my opinion one way or another. The heads of the Saotome and Tendou wanted to participate, but the rules in this matter clearly state that these interviews be private."  
  
"Then I'm afraid we will have to delay this slightly." Ranma pulls open the door quickly to find everyone else who lived there were leaning against the door to listen. "Come with me, and I'll take you somewhere where we can talk."   
  
"I see..."   
  
--------------------------------   
  
As Ranma and Mr. Yanagawa walk through one of the area's many parks, Mr. Yanagawa comments "Surely we can talk now, there's no one within earshot."   
  
Ranma objects. "I'm afraid not." Ranma off-handedly punches a tree alongside the path, and Mousse falls out of the branches. "Come this way."   
  
--------------------------------   
  
Ranma and Mr. Yanagawa stop halfway over a bridge over a canal. "We should be undisturbed here." He takes out a portable radio, and tunes it to a J-pop station.   
  
"What's that for?"   
  
"It should drown out Nabiki's directional microphone. This place is pretty secure. Please tell me if you see a white duck, a black pig, or a purple cat. Those animals have been trained by their owners. The only other things to watch out for are a transvestite disguised as a garbage can, and an incompetent diminutive ninja, but they're relatively rare."   
  
"Do you always take such precautions?"   
  
"Nah. I just assume that whatever I say will be overheard at the worst possible moment."   
  
"And this warning about animals, you don't find that extreme?"   
  
"It's only those three animals. You'll find that they often appear around the Nekohanten. A group of Chinese nationals who want me to move to China and marry someone there. The animals follow the orders of their masters. I'm not worried about other animals. Do you think it's paranoid of me after seeing everyone outside my room's door, and seing that guy fall from the tree?"   
  
"Surely the man in the tree was coincidence."   
  
"That was Mu Tsu of the chinese amazons. He lives at the Nekohanten, and works as a waiter. You'll see him if you go there for the dinner rush. He's a half-blind obsessive assassin, which around here rates him as mostly harmless."   
  
"I see. Tell me about yourself. I understand you're engaged to be married to Mr. Tendo's youngest daughter."   
  
"Yes. My father arranged several betrothels for me, and didn't tell me about any of them until I was 16. You'll find if you ask Ukyou Kuonji of Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, that my father engaged me to her. If you ask Xian Pu or Khu Lon of the Nekohanten, you'll find that I've already married Xian Pu. You'll agree that while this is bizarre, this isn't a sign of insanity if you check to find out it is accurate."   
  
"True, but it is pretty unbelievable."   
  
"Granted, but I was right about the tree, and the people outside my door. All you have to do is verify the rest to decide if I'm sane or massively delusional."   
  
"In your opinion, why would your father try to have you committed?"   
  
"I make no claim to understanding how my father behaves. At the age of 6 he seperated me from my mother. Tied me up. Covered me with Smelt, and threw me into a pit of hungry cats. He bragged about this to the Tendos, claiming it was a sign of how devoted a father he was. My mother hasn't seen me since the age of 6. Here's her address, so that you can confirm this for yourself."   
  
"Why haven't you gone back to her?"  
  
"Because I think my father might be the safer of the two of them. At six years old, she had me sign a suicide pact, which she seems to take seriously, and she goes everywhere with a wrapped Katana. If you want to verify this, ask her about the pact made on family honor that I become a man among men. I'd make it appear that you were in favor of it, I understand she can be quite deadly with the katana, and you do not appear to be trained to avoid it. If she is as skilled as I think she is, she could theoretically kill someone from a peaceful position in less than 3 seconds."  
  
"You make it sound as if your life is in serious danger. I have trouble believing that your life could be that dangerous, and you still being alive."  
  
"I'm alive because I'm the best martial artist there is. Tell me, what's the highest you think a man can jump from a standing start?"  
  
"Somewhere around 2 meters, why?"  
  
Ranma leaps seven meters straight up, does a somersault, and lands lightly back where he was. "I've been training for years. I can avoid or overcome nearly anything. Can I borrow a piece of paper?"  
  
"Sure." Mr Yanagawa hands him a blank sheet from his pad. Ranma tears it up into about 30 pieces, and hands them back to Mr Yanagawa.  
  
"Please throw them at me so they seperate and scatter." He does, and Ranma uses the Amaguriken to snatch them out of the air. "I've been training since before I could walk to defend myself. I wont bother telling stories of how I've defended myself. They would just sound unbelievable. But as you can see, I'm probably better trained than anyone you've ever met."   
  
"Tell me how you are linked with the rash of thefts of women's undergarments in the area."  
  
"I know who does them. I've tried to stop him. People see me nearby and assume I'm some kind of pervert. Since I've tried to stop him, he retaliates by planting some of his thefts to make me look bad."  
  
"Since you're so good. How can he do this?"  
  
Ranma sighs. "I didn't want to mention this. Everything I learned about fighting from my father, my father learned from the pervert. He knows counters to nearly all of my moves. Whenever I get close to stopping him, he threatens my father and Mr Tendo to make life hard for me."  
  
"But Mr. Tendou is in charge of stopping these attacks. He spoke up about them before the city council."  
  
"So why would he support me for so long if he thinks I'm the one doing it? Mr. Tendou can't do anything about it, so he's done everything he can to sweep it under the rug. Since he's volunteered, has there been any change in the amount of theft? Maybe a little because people are trying to protect their undergarments. He hasn't done anything. Wait a minute, do you see that duck approaching?"  
  
"Which one?"   
  
"The only one I care about is the one wearing glasses. Please stand at least four meters from me." Ranma picks up a rock, and throws it at Mousse. Mousse responds with a volley of knives, which Ranma plucks out of the air. "That's the duck I was talking about. No other duck I've ever seen can hurl a half dozen knives like that, wouldn't you agree? Perhapse we'd better cut this meeting short here. Please verify the things I've told you, and if you wish, we can talk again." With that, Ranma leaps off, and disappears.   
  
--------------------------------  
  
That night, while Ranma lay on the roof, Cologne lands next to Ranma. "How long are you going to pretend to be mad, son-in-law?"  
  
"Does Shampoo know?"  
  
"I haven't decided what the best course of action would be. That's why I'm here tonight. You realize that by denying your family you only strengthen Shampoo's chances."  
  
"She can't marry a madman."  
  
"The tribe knows you're sane. What did you plan to do? Play one fiance against the other?"  
  
"Wouldn't you in my position?"  
  
"So your making Shampoo's claim stronger because she has the weekest hold on you according to Japanese claim."  
  
"She does. I've defeated many women, you can't expect me to marry them all."  
  
Cologne smiles. "Good night."  
  
Ranma gets a surprised look. "What? We haven't settled anything."  
  
"It's been most satisfactory."  
  
Ranma growls "What's been satisfactory?"  
  
"Winning." Cologne smiles, "Surely you noticed."  
  
"You haven't won a damned thing!"  
  
Cologne smiles indulgently. "I know what your plans are. I know why you're doing it. I know how you'll react to anything we do. You've burbled every piece of strategy you've got, and I've told you nothing. To these aged eyes, that's what winning looks like. Good night."  
  
Ranma, furious, growls "You. You tried to have me killed because you hadn't trained Shampoo competently. When you found I was male, you cursed her into my worst nightmare. You tried to blame me for her curse. Then you trap me in a strange body. You try to humiliate me, you burned me with your cat's tongue. You've tricked me with fake cures. You've toyed with my affection for the girls, and tried to break me to take me back as Shampoo's trained puppy. Tell me this. How puny does Shampoo look before the tribe, now that they know that it took someone with 20 times her experience to try to break me, and that you never trusted her to succeed?"  
  
"I trust her implicitly."  
  
"You trust her as far as you trust Mousse. Suppose you win. Suppose you assassinate everyone that might come for me. Suppose you erase my memories for the last year. Suppose you have the control over your people, so that no one there would think to release me to get back at you. Suppose the amazons are strong enough to prevent any of the chinese warlords from freeing me, either out of respect for a foe, or hatred of you. What kind of respect will Shampoo garner having me given to her as a broken, drugged, halfdead wretch. And when I do get free, your only hope is to kill me while I see how many of my slavers I can take with me? If that's the future of the three thousand years of proud amazon heritage, the amazons wont last another generation. And by involving me, you merely alloy me to help wipe you out. Obstacles are for killing? How much of an obstacle to me are you willing to make the amazons into?"  
  
"You're not a cold-blooded killer. You'd never go that far."  
  
"Not yet. I'm getting closer every day. You've taught me a valuable lesson. I don't have to fight you to defeat you. I've got time. The only things you care about are your tribe and Shampoo. You keep reminding me that I should behave as I can't protect everyone. How much harder it must be for you? Every enemy you have comes through here eventually. Tell me, what would happen if Herb decided to advance his position by defeating the champion of the Amazons? Or how about Pantyhose Tarou? Where's the vaunted pride of the amazons when they learn that the reason their champion was undefeated, was because she never dared leave her little valley before, to play with the big boys? I can name a dozen men who could defeat her easily, and that's not counting the supernatural that seems to get drawn here. What would be the effect of Amazon morale If an outsider trained Mousse to be the best of his generation? Or would you like to deal with the imbecility having Kunos in your gene pool? You've got four choices. Let me chose freely who I spend my life with, try and break me, try and kill me, or Marry shampoo off to someone else. Everything but the first is a loss on your part. So back off, and don't corner me, because I don't even know what I'll do if you do."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Ranma sits back after a large inhallation of food "Excellent breakfast, Kasumi. I'm surprised your father hasn't married you off yet."  
  
"I'm happy with the way things are, Ranma."  
  
"Oh, anyone can see that. That doesn't mean he wouldn't marry you off against your wishes, look what he's tried for on Akane."  
  
Nabiki interrupts "I'd like to think he's learning something from all this. He wouldn't dare engage us behind our backs."  
  
"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. He hadn't learned before the last wedding attempt. Imagine, defrauding a minister, his daughter, and a houseguest."  
  
Nabiki answers "You have a point. You wouldn't believe the 'donation' to the temple necessary in order to make him forget the matter."  
  
Soun interrupts "Nabiki, Ranma, I'm sitting right here. Talking about me in front of me is rather rude."  
  
Ranma turns to Soun "It's better than anything I'd have to say to you." Turning back to Nabiki "Tell me, Nabiki, What would you consider a fair response to a host that attempted to defraud you, one who sees nothing wrong with the attempt, who doesn't apologize or try to make amends? One who would try it again if he thought he would succeed?"  
  
Nabiki smirks. "I refuse to answer on the grounds that my family couldn't afford my retribution. Please try to find one that only hurts the offending party. Try to pick something whose fallout doesn't hurt his daughters."  
  
"Granted Akane was unconcious for the wedding, but are either you or Kasumi completely innocent? As Tendo matriarch, Kasumi is in charge of maintaining the harmony of the home, and you always know what's going on, so if you did nothing to stop it, then it had your tacit approval."  
  
Nabiki grins "I knew about it. I knew it would fail without any effort on my part. As I knew nothing would come of it, I saw no reason to interfere. That doesn't make me an accessory, and it doesn't mean I approve."  
  
"All right. I'll agree that you're unlikely to approve of any attempt to defraud that was so likely to backfire. But still, I'd think you'd shoot down anything that would drag the Tendo name through the mud."  
  
Nabiki chuckles "You think I'm motivated by ancestral worship? The name Tendo means nothing to me, except that it's mine. If people think it's worthless, I'll just get another. The future of the Tendo clan is Akane's and daddy's concern."  
  
Soun interrupts "And as it is my concern, I shall do what I think best to insure our line."  
  
Ranma looks down on Soun "You know, there are days when you make me want to marry any of your daughters, sell the dojo, split the proceeds with her, get a divorce, change my name and move to Hokkaido. I'm unable to describe what I think of what you think best,' without using language that might offend Kasumi. You were interrupting a conversation between Nabiki and I. But seeing as you want to be included, tell me why I should continue to live here? You've proved willing to stoop to levels of treachery that the Chinese contingent haven't tried. Why shouldn't I live with them? Granted, Mousse would be an annoyance, but he's much easier to handle than Happosai. If it comes to that, I could probably get a job at Ukyou's. If I disappeared now, what would you do? Who would you blame?" Ranma uses one of the sealed techniques of the Umisenken, and vanishes, to reappear behind Soun in plain sight of everyone but Soun, as Ranma stands behind him. Soun starts to panic, as Nabiki smiles.  
  
Ranma continues, "I also feel compelled to leave your hospitality before I'm linked in people's minds with your other two houseguests, both of which are suspected of recidivist thievery, and the obese one on several points of kidnapping."  
  
Soun says "Kidnapping? Who accuses him of kidnapping?"  
  
"Do you remember Kaori and the martial arts delivery race? According to them, he kidnapped a six month child."  
  
Genma interrupts "I wasn't kidnapping! I was robbing him of fish, rice and two pickles!"  
  
"The food was yours after the transaction, the child wasn't. Stealing another's child is kidnapping. Anyway, you admit to being a thief. If I wasn't a houseguest of the Tendos, I wouldn't be constrained as their guest not to cut off your hands."  
  
"Hands?"  
  
"Granted that's a Muslim punishment. What's the traditional punnishment of a Yakusa by his superiors in Japan? The last joint of his little finger? The small seppuku of the non-samurai. You admit I am his superior, don't you? You wouldn't dare imply that I was inferior to a kidnapper, would you? I couldn't associate with someone who believed that of me. I'd have to move out at once."  
  
"You're not going to cut off his finger! Not while you're a guest here!"  
  
"I know that. That's what I said. Thats why I must move out. How else can I lop off a finger-joint for each of his offenses? Hmm, It might just be faster to lop off the hands, as it comes to the same thing. No need to be cruel.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Akane and Ranma walk toward school. Akane turns to Ranma and asks him "Why are you going to school? You're still suspended."  
  
"I wanted to discuss something with you away from everyone else. You always call me 'hentai', but I'm 'henshin'! I'm a polymorph, not a pervert."  
  
"You're both!"  
  
"Then I need to hear your definition of pervert. What definition do you have that includes me, and not you?"  
  
"All boys are perverts!"  
  
"Because they get aroused by a visual display? As opposed to women who react to manipulation of their breasts? You think that's any better?"  
  
"How can you talk like that! You're such a pervert."  
  
"You still haven't given me a good criteria. Why do you think I'm a pervert?"  
  
"I know a pervert when I see one."  
  
"Ok, I can't argue against that. Perverts are whoever you define as perverted. How many disgusting and degrading things did you do to get this experience?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"To get the experience to know what is perverse and what isn't, you must have experienced all sorts of things. I'm not asking to be a voyeur into your disgusting and licentious past, I'm merely curious how long it lasted."  
  
"How dare you!" Akane pulls out a bokken and starts swinging at Ranma, but Ranma retaliates by attacking the weapon, and destroys it.  
  
"If you want me to take your attacks seriously, don't use a weapon. Who do you want to be like? Kuno?"  
  
Akane launches a series of punches and kicks, which Ranma blocks and dodges with a felt tipped pen in hand. When Akane pauses for a moment, Ranma recaps and tosses the marker to Akane. Kasumi's indellible ink marker.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Ranma meets with Mr. Yanagawa in his office. "Well, Ranma, I've doublechecked everything you've told me, and it all checks out, Otherwise I'd have had to diagnose you as a paranoid schizophrenic in spite of your remarkable abilities.  
  
I can give you several options. You can, of course, tell me to drop the matter, but I still have an obligation to do something about your problems now that I know about them. I'd rather work with you, than to act in such a highhanded manner, but I can't just ignore this now that I'm aware of it. Unfortunately I'm not sure what the best thing to do is. Your situation is unique as far as I know."  
  
"Well, what do you suggest?"  
  
"First, I want to get you living somewhere safe. Where would you live if everything were up to you?"  
  
"I'd probably pitch a tent in some vacant lot."  
  
"We can get you a room for a while, and come up with some excuse other's will believe. Now, in terms of schooling, here are the options I can provide you. If you could prove to the school board that you had a private tutor, or that you already knew the material, we could test you and possibly allow you to graduate without attending school. We could get you a period of absense but you'd have to make up the time later to graduate. We could transfer you to another school. We could remove you from the usual chain of discipline in your old school, or we could leave you suspended, and you'd take your chances about graduating at all."  
  
"I don't want to switch schools. My problems would just follow me, and I'd be in unfamiliar territory. How would the second to last option work?"  
  
"Everything your teachers would punish you for, instead they'd be required to report it to us. We'd have to decide what detentions you deserved, but at least you'd get a chance to tell your side of the story to our arbiter. Your teachers would not know for sure one way or the other if you were punished. The easiest way to do this is to claim that you were under observation for possible psychiatric stress, and that it was necessary for a doctor to prescribe the proper non-injurious forms of aversion therapy."  
  
"Well that would take care of the principal and Hinako-sensei. Everyone already thinks I'm mad. But the moment we start this, my parents, and all of my fiancees will be swarming over wherever I live."  
  
"Your father is the easiest. As he and Soun Tendo called me in, they have the least ability to challenge my findings, especially if my findings favor having you under observation. Your mother hasn't seen you in over ten years. That's sufficient time to block her admittance on grounds of abandonment. What are the capabilities of the girls after you?"  
  
"Well, Akane's the weakest. She can't destroy more than four cinderblocks at a time, or create more than a six inch hole when punching a three inch thick wooden wall. Shampoo used to regularly destroy six foot by four foot segments of brick or stone walls. Ukyou carries a halibard sized spatula, a number of shuriken, and occasional explosives, but she's too well adjusted to go through walls, or attack normal people, so she wont be a problem. Oh yeah, There's Kodachi Kuno. She's not a fiancee, but behaves like one. Little upper body strength, but she carries an assortment of deadly weapons, and is prone to using gaseous poisons. She also has on retainer a semi-competent ninja."  
  
"Perhaps we'd be better off just concealing where you'll be staying."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Akane shows up to class with bandages applied over all of both her forearms. Ukyou walks up and asks Akane what happened. "I got into a fight with Ranma."  
  
"You mean he actually hit you hard enough to bruise? And more than once?"  
  
"Not exactly. He wrote on my arms with indellible ink."  
  
"He's been acting really strange! Writing on you. Getting suspended from class. Telling me we are either friends or fiancees but not both."  
  
"He said that to you?"  
  
"He did. He said he was my friend, but as we were engaged, I wasn't his. Then he said we weren't engaged! Has he said anything about your engagement?"  
  
"He hasn't refused it, but he throws it in my father's face constantly, and yesterday he tried to change it so that he could adopt me as his daughter!"  
  
"Daughter?"  
  
"Yes. Said that the Tendo-Saotome deal was to unite the two schools, and have a common heir. He offered to name me his heir as his eldest daughter."  
  
"What are we going to do?"  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Mr. Yanagawa asks Ranma, "Now what shall we do about the constant fights?"  
  
"Well, I'm not supposed to refuse a challenge. I'm just sick of being ambushed, and blaimed for everything that goes wrong around here."  
  
"How about if we instigate a waiting period? A challenge must be made a day in advance, otherwise it's a violent attack?"  
  
"You'll never get them to wait a day."  
  
"The state has alot of power to bear. As long as we can differentiate between a challenge, and aggravated assault. But we have to inform people beforehand. Who are most likely to attack you, and where can they be found?"  
  
"Well, there's Akane who lives at the dojo, and goes to my school. Tatewaki Kuno, who lives at the Kuno mansion, and attends my school. Ryouga Hibiki of no fixed abode or school, but who often lurks around the Tendo Dojo. My father ..."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
During a break between classes, Tatewaki Kuno corners Nabiki at her desk. "It has been days since I have seen my pigtailed goddess. You must tell me where to find her. Now that I have driven that foul cur Saotome from our fair school, I must free her at once."  
  
"You drove him off? That's not the way I heard it."  
  
"It is unfortunate that scandalous roumers have been passed around the school. I try to set an example to uplift the other students, but there's only so much that my angellic demeanor can do against baser human foibles."  
  
"It's nice to see you have a new hobby. I don't know where your goddess is, and I'd advise you to avoid her for now, as she isn't behaving normally."  
  
"Ahh, she must pine for my presence. How is she behaving?"  
  
"Denying the existance of her family, and casting in the worst possible light whatever anyone says."  
  
"Hmm. Sounds like my sister. She hasn't started dabbling in pharmacuticals, has she?"  
  
"No, but there's a chance some might be prescribed for her shortly." 


	4. Chapter 4

Mr Yanagawa visited the fathers at the Tendo's to "report" his findings. "Your son has been acting peculiar, but at this stage, it is unclear if it is a minor stress-related episode, or if he has completely slipped into a delusional mania. If he's just sufferring from a stress-related breakdown, then he should recover quickly. However, if he doesn't recover quickly, he can be certified."  
  
Mr. Saotome asked "Well then, what should we do?"  
  
"You needn't do anything. We've gotten him readmitted to school, and gotten him a private room in a clinic where a doctor will continue to observe and treat him."  
  
Mr. Tendo interrupts, "There's no need for that. He can stay here."  
  
Mr. Yanagawa answers, "It is kind of you to offer, but I'm afraid that's impossible. My understanding is that many of the fights he winds up in originate here."  
  
"Those are just training matches and challenges."  
  
"Oh he'll still be available for those. Mr. Tendo, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your youngest daughter has been repeatedly seen chasing after Ranma, and beating him up when she catches up with him. This afternoon, she'll be receiving a court injunction forbidding her from fighting Ranma, except during a proper challenge delivered the day before, or during a training match inside of a dojo, under observation."  
  
Soun chuckles nervously, "Surely, there's no need to bring the courts into this, those are just little lover's quarrels."  
  
"Not for a martial artist of her caliber. The court injunction is needed so Ranma doesn't have to prosecute her. If she violates the injunction, then she is committing a crime against the state, and not against Ranma. Apparently he has always refused to do anything to stop or constrain her, so she feels it is her right to do so. But since Ranma is now under the protection of the state while we determine his mental stability, it is necessary that we can protect Ranma without making him stand trial against Akane. That is, of course, only if she tries to beat up Ranma."  
  
"But to take legal action against my daughter..."  
  
"Oh no. No legal action will be taken at this point. She'll just receive a document warning her that attacking her fiancee physically is a prosecutable offence whether Ranma objects or not. We'll also have notices for Ryouga Hibiki and Happosai. Neither of them have fixed abodes, but have been known to frequent this house. if you could tell us when they are here, we'll quietly deliver their injunctions also."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
The next morning, Ranma arrives at school well before Akane, and meets Ukyou in their classroom. "Morning, Ranma, where's Akane?"  
  
"She should be here shortly. Out of sorts, and in a rage, I imagine. I gave her a second set of parents to go with her second childhood. Hadn't you noticed that she's worn out her first set?"  
  
"Did something happen to mister Tendo?"  
  
"Nothing sudden, or immediate. Over time, he's lost his spine, his heart, his mind, and his guts. His spleen and liver try to compensate, but even he doesn't drink enough to manage."  
  
At this point, Akane walks in waving an official document, "Ranma, what is this!"  
  
"Hard as it is to read as you wave it around, I imagine it's a letter from the court. I'm under the protection of the Emperor. If it bothers you, you might find him at the palace."  
  
Ukyou interrupts "Akane, what's going on?"  
  
"I got a letter from the courts telling me that attacking Ranma is grounds for arrest, even if he doesn't press charges! You mean, you didn't get one?"  
  
"Why should she have gotten one? The only time she directed her rage at me, she thought I had dishonored her. I could never hold that against her." Ranma turns toward Ukyou, When we find the thief who stole your dowery in my name, I promise you my full help getting him to the altar for you."  
  
"Wha, what are you talking about?"  
  
"To restore your honor. I hear you decided to let him live, so when we find him next, I'll help you tie him up, stuff him into a kimono, makeup his face, and help you marry her. I believe the bride's name is Genma."  
  
They are interrupted by the arrival of Hinako-sensei. During the taking of attendance, Hinako faces Ranma and says "I see you're back, Ranma."  
  
"Just for the education, sensei. My opinions haven't changed."  
  
"How did you manage to get permission to return here without my aproval?"  
  
"Simple. Akane's father regards me as insane, in spite of the fact that I'm his ideal son in law. Therefor it falls upon the state to judge my situation. I'm under the indirect protection of the Emperor of Japan. Perhaps I'll swear allegiance to him."  
  
"Do you still deny that you fall under Japanese law?"  
  
"At the moment, I deny nothing, except other people's right to attack me. The courts have provisionally found in my favor."  
  
"Still, you'll do as I say in my classroom."  
  
"In the finest tradition of the samurai, I'll act as I think appropriate. You may either report my behavior to my lord for him to punish, or you may try to punish me directly, and face his displeasure. Considering my lord, the state, is your lord's lord, you should differ to me outside the classroom, but in respect of your teaching, I shall refer to you as sensei."  
  
"You'll obey me, or you'll be punished."  
  
"You'll refrain from punishing me, because you might lose your teaching licence. Without your licence you'd have to begin a new career from scratch."  
  
"How dare you talk back to your teacher!"  
  
"You asked for an explanation. I'm responding at your request. Your only options here are to drop this pointless argument, or punish me, and accept your own, more severe punishment. Of course, you could also commit seppuku to shame the courts for treating you unfairly.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
That afternoon, the principal calls a general assembly for the whole school. "Aloha, keiki! Big new surprise for all you! Too much excitement from dating and fiancees are keeping my students from learning. Therefor:  
  
o/ I decree in words succinct o/  
  
o/ All who flirted, leered, or winked o/  
  
o/ Unless connubially linked o/  
  
o/ Shall forthwith be beheaded. o/  
  
Anyone who dates, or is engaged gets one of my special haircuts. The PTA insisted however that married couples are exempt." and with his speach completed, a trap door opens beneath the principal, and wisks him to safety.  
  
Akane and Ukyou confront Ranma, surrounded by a huge ring of concerned classmates. Ukyou asks Ranma, "What are we going to do now?"  
  
"Well, I'd gather up all of the students who want to date, or are engaged, and decide either to give up, or pound the principal into pate."  
  
"What do you mean 'You'd gather up?' Aren't you going to help?"  
  
"No point, really. The local police know I'm exempt, as does the principal, even if he tries to ignore it. So it only affects me if I wanted to date, or be engaged to someone in the school." he turns to Akane "However, If I do adopt you, I promise to join the PTA, and get him kicked out of the school."  
  
Akane barely restrains her rage. "But you're engaged to me!"  
  
Ranma looks at her sadly, "If you're going to propose to me, I wish you did it in private. I'm too young to get married now, especially as we haven't formally dated. If you wish to join our families together, I'd suggest proposing to my father. He's never seen anything wrong with the idea of polygamy in the past." Before Akane can build up a head of steam, Ranma ducks out of the circle of students and heads back to class, just as Kuno charges in.  
  
"Akane, my love, we must defeat the foul principal who sullies the name of Kuno lest the two of us should have to forsake each other's company, or forsake our glorious visages!"  
  
Kuno gets punched through the roof.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
That afternoon, Ranma stops off at the Tendos to pick up his pack, and some clothes. On his way out of the house, he's nearly knocked over by a hysterical pair of fathers. "Ranma, how dare you have my daughter served a restraining order!"  
  
"I've done no such thing! As long as I've lived here, I've kept her psychopathic tendencies from the eyes of the state. You! Her own father, called in the government to look into this household! Her own father took the first step in getting his daughter thrown in prison."  
  
Soun's wailing makes him incoherent, but Genma dives in to renew the parent's attack. "Don't try to twist this around so that this is our fault, boy!"  
  
"You must be Soun's solicitor, or you'd be smart enough to keep your paws out of this affair. Well, you'd better get to court, but I doubt that you can get this overturned. You'd need to make up evidence that I beat up Akane, and even then, the best you'd probably get would be a restraining order on me, and you don't need that, because I've never assaulted her before. Why would I attack her, when there are so many more deserving people to assault?"  
  
"Son, I want you to tell the courts that the restraining order isn't necessary."  
  
"Actually, I think more restraining orders are necessary. Now that I'm no longer Soun's prisoner and hostage, there's no reason for me to restrain myself from seeking revenge. Perhapse I should challenge, and defeat his dojo. I wonder if the Tendo school could even survive having it's sensei defeated by an unranked student of another school."  
  
"You wouldn't!"  
  
"I can. I might. Then again, every time Happosai attacks me from now on will be another black mark for the Tendo school, And you know that if he isn't attacking me, he'll want to train with you. Unless you sell off one of your daughters to him for his perversions. If he's smart, he'll demand a daughter for each of you. Probably Akane to train as his heir, and Kasumi to fondle. Unless, of course, you think you can defeat the master?"  
  
"How could you do this to us?"  
  
"I haven't done anything yet. I've just stopped protecting you. Since I first showed up, I protected the Tendos, and the Tendos have abused me. Now you're whining about the fact that it's over. By the way, Genma, I hear your wife is looking for her daughter. Surely you realize that the courts will probably notify her. Call me, when you return from the training trip you plan to take next time Soun stops watching you."  
  
"Genma, how dare you abandon me at a time like this?"  
  
That evening, Nodoka enters the hospital where Ranma is staying. At the reception desk a young lady asks her "May I help you?"  
  
"Yes, I'm here to see my son, Ranma Saotome."  
  
After calling up his records, she apologizes. I'm sorry, but he's specifically requested not to have guests from either the Saotome family, or the Tendos. There's a note mentioning that he's estranged from his father."  
  
"But I'm his mother! Surely I can see him."  
  
"Not with a note in his file explicitly excluding you. His doctor could override it for you, but he's off duty at the moment. The on duty Doctor can have him paged if it is an emergency. He's listed as being with a patient, but I can have him come down after he finishes."  
  
"Can I call Ranma to come down and let me in?"  
  
"I'm sorry, but he doesn't have a phone. It seems he's been suffering harassment, so all communications are being screened by the doctors."  
  
"Please page the doctor, I'll wait."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
A grim faced doctor enters the waiting room, and walks up to Nodoka. "Nodoka Saotome?"  
  
Nodoka is a bit taken aback by the lack of honorifics of any type. "Yes, and you are?"  
  
"I'm the on duty Doctor."  
  
The doctor didn't even bother to give his name. Nodoka frowns "I'd like to see my son, Ranma Saotome."  
  
According to his doctor, he's not to be disturbed by his family. I can have his doctor paged, if it is an emergency."  
  
"Would you, please."  
  
"You'll have to convince me that it is an emergency."  
  
"I haven't seen him in ten years!"  
  
"Then it couldn't possibly be an emergency. I can not justify waking his doctor for this, and I cannot override his doctor's orders to admit family, especially in a case involving child abuse, and abandonment. If you want to see him, you can leave a message for him, or you can go see his caseworker, Mr. Yanagawa.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
The next morning, Hinako enters her classroom. "I'm sorry to announce that I must ask everyone in the room who is going out with, or engaged to anyone to stand up."  
  
About a third of the class stands up, including Ukyou and a pissed off Akane. Ranma, noticeably, is still seated. Hiroshi, seated behind him whispers "If anyone has to stand up, Ranma, you do."  
  
Hinako says "Ranma, I asked you to stand up."  
  
"I have never proposed. I have never accepted a proposal, or a dowery. I haven't asked anyone out, nor have I accepted anyone's offer for a date. I have no family that might otherwise entangle me. I'm a model student, wouldn't you say?"  
  
"You're a delinquent! You get into fights!"  
  
"The day I started school here, I was attacked by an upperclassman for speaking to Akane Tendo. The school has done nothing about this, since the upperclassman is your boss's son. I claim self-defence."  
  
"You start fights all the time!"  
  
"Can anyone in this room besides our teacher remember one time I attacked them? Have I ever started a physical fight with anyone here."  
  
Akane yells "You start fights with me all the time!"  
  
"Oh really? When did I ever attack you? You yell at me regularly for not attacking you when we spar!"  
  
"You insult me all the time!"  
  
"The first insult was from you. The day we met, you called me a pervert."  
  
"You are a pervert!"  
  
"Once again, you made the first insult in this discussion. I assume you remember that you have been forbidden to attack me without making a challenge a day in advance."  
  
"Ranma, you jerk!"  
  
"There. sorry teacher, but Akane always needs to call me both a jerk and a pervert. I assume she's gotten it out of her system."  
  
Hinako tries to regain control of the classroom. "Anyway, according to principal Kuno, I have to ask all of you standing to either break up, or go to the Auditorium for a haircut."  
  
Akane turns to Ukyou. "Come on, we've got to go beat up the principal again."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
As Nodoka walks through the small archway, inside the government building, a high pitched beeping occurs. A guard walks up to her, and says "I'm sorry ma'am, but you've set off the metal detector. Please place your belongings on the conveyer belt, and try entering again."  
  
"I never let this out of my sight."  
  
"All right ma'am, but before you enter, we'll have to xray your package, and then use a portable metal detector, used by a female officer to prove that your bundle is the only metal object that we're detecting. You won't have to let it out of your sight, and no one but you need touch it. Is that satisfactory?"  
  
"Thank you for being so understanding."  
  
"Not at all. We have to operate under the instructions we've been given to guard the people in this building, but our job is also to make the experiences of our patrons as easy as we can. Please come this way so that this may be done privately."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Akane and Ukyou re-enter their homeroom with shellshocked expressions. Akane gasps out "There's an active volcano in the gym. We had to defeat the entire St. Chuck school of hairdressing's martial-arts-ukelele team. I'm sick of bananas."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Nodoka places the long oblong package on the rubberized surface of the Xray machine, as the guard looks at the Xray. "Ma'am?" the guard asks, while pressing a concealed button on the machine, "Why are you bringing a katana into a government building?"  
  
"It is the Saotome Honor Sword. I carry it with me always."  
  
"I'm afraid I have to ask you to speak to my supervisor. I really don't know what I'm to do in this situation. I'm forbidden to allow anyone to enter this building carrying a weapon, even a cerimonial one."  
  
"Oh, it isn't cerimonial. I keep it in excellent repair, and I'm a 2nd dan at Iajutsu."  
  
"Ma'am, that's even more awkward. I'm afraid it has been illegal to carry a concealed weapon in public, since the war."  
  
"But I was told I couldn't carry it openly in public."  
  
"Yes ma'am, carring it openly has been illegal since the Meiji Restoration. We still have people in the police trained to disarm samurai, although now they are usually used to subdue drunk salarymen who have gotten ahold of something sharp, and half of their training is in getting the item out of their hands without letting the drunk injure himself." The door opens, and a distinguished man wearing a suit enters. The guard looks relieved. "Please take your sword, and go talk with detective Hiyama-san. He will decide what should be done."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Kuno charges into Akane's classroom. "Akane, my love, come with me to my family's onsen where we can wash the pulped bananas out of each other's hair!"  
  
Akane's mallet connects with Kuno's ribs, and propells him out the window. Akane turns to the teacher, "Sorry for the interruption, sensei."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Later that day, Nodoka sits down across from Mr. Yanagawa. "I'm having some difficulties in seeing my son. I'm told you could help me."  
  
"First, I'd better explain the situation to you. A few days ago, Genma Saotome and Soun Tendo contacted our department, because they claimed that Ranma Saotome was non compos mentis. However we found that he was just dealing with an incredible amount of stress, child abuse, physical abuse, and repeated abandonment. He disowned his father, a situation that Genma Saotome has ignored.  
  
"He grew up with a father that frequently made him an accomplice to petty theft. This father told him that you'd died. I know you really are his mother, but Ranma has just disowned the only parent he's ever known, and finds it odd that his mother suddenly appears. Especially as you've never been there when he needed you, and appear when he no longer needs anyone."  
  
"But I didn't know he needed me. I had a formal agreement with my husband to raise our son appropriately. I couldn't abridge that agreement."  
  
"Quite. To do so would be tantamount to admitting that your husband was incompetent to raise a child. Instead he's proved it repeatedly, and will probably have to go to court to defend himself from an accusation of criminal negligence. You probably couldn't be accused for anything but being an unwitting accomplice, and abandoning him at an early age. The important question is what did you know of your husband's nature when you let Ranma go with him. Ranma believes you knew what sort of person he was, and is therefor not anxious to see you. Part of his reluctance is no doubt due to his father keeping him from females all his life. He doesn't know how to deal with you."  
  
"But I'm his mother!"  
  
"And his rejection of the only parent he's ever known,is grounds to consider that he's rejecting both his parents."  
  
"You keep saying Genma is the only parent he's known, but I raised him until he was six."  
  
"And he vaguely remembers you, as his mother who died when he was young. Many children in his situation feel anger and hate to some extent toword the parent that died on them. To find out later that he suffered that for nothing, and that your absense wasn't beyond your control, ... it's quite understandable that he's reluctant to meet with you."  
  
"But I'm still his mother! It's my right to see him!"  
  
"You have no rights to see your abused child! He is now a ward of the state. As such, it is his right to permit or deny visitors, until the extent of the criminal abuse he has received has been determined, and his case goes before a magistrate. We protect victims of domestic violence, and it has been repeatedly determined that even uninvolved family members use guilt and other types of pressure to bear on the victim to put themselves back in danger."  
  
"I'd never do that!"  
  
"You'd probably like him to live at your home. Are the Tendos or Genma Saotome welcome in your house?"  
  
"I couldn't lock out my own husband."  
  
"Therefor he'd be in danger again. I can see that he gets any messages you want to send him, but they must be written, so that if it becomes necessary, they can be entered as evidence."  
  
"I can't believe you wont let me see him."  
  
"I'm charged with defending a man who no one has bothered to defend. Just because he's capable of leveling this building, does not mean that he can protect himself from his family and so-called friends. You gave up your rights to see him when you let him go when he was six. It is now his choice whether he wants to return to you, not yours."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Soun waits for Ranma to leave school grounds. Before Ranma can leave, Soun bellows, "You will marry Akane, and that's final. Honor demands it!"  
  
Ranma replies "Honor is as heavy as a mountain, death is as light as a feather. You know I can't marry while the other engagements are outstanding. But I do have a plan to solve this. I'd need your help though."  
  
"Anything to help you marry Akane."  
  
"First, we steel-clad the dojo. Then we invite all the fiancees, and their relatives and my father to a meeting to settle this. Add a dozen swords, cut the lights, and I lock you all in from the outside. I leave you there until all of the other fiancees are dead."  
  
"Th-that's horrendous!" Soun bursts into tears.   
  
Ranma goes over to comfort him. This is perfect for you. You get to defend the engagement with my father's and your life. Plus you are guaranteed to never see me marry anyone else. I know, I'll hedge my bet, by mining the floor with explosives. After the fight, I can end my last engagement and the dojo-dowery at the same time."  
  
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Author's notes: Please review, I crave feedback. 


	5. Chapter 5

A secretary enters a private office. Bakayaro-san, Nodoka Saotome is here to see you."  
  
"Send her in."  
  
Nodoka enters the office. "Diet-man Bakayaro-san, thank you for seeing me at such short notice."  
  
"Nonsense, I'm always available to old friends. What can I do for you?"  
  
"I'm being kept from seeing my son, by a bureaucrat in social services."  
  
"Why that's scandalous! I'll get this straightened out if I have to get him fired. To come between mother and son, I can't believe it."  
  
"Thank you, I knew you could help."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Mr Yanagawa was talking on his office phone. "Yes sir. I understand sir."  
  
"I'm afraid I'm unable to compromise on this, sir."  
  
"I know this might hurt my career, sir. But I'm not allowed to let a parent visit a victim of child abuse without the child's consent."  
  
"Yes sir. Anyone who would replace me would face criminal charges for complying with this."  
  
"Yes sir, also it might be embarrassing if such a scandal were associated with you."  
  
"Yes, the papers would blow it entirely out of proportion. Best you were clear of this."  
  
"Yes, thankyou. I'm glad to be of help, diet-man Bakayaro.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
That evening, over dinner, Kasumi announces to the other Tendos and Genma "I've decided that Ranma is right. I have taken care of this family long enough. Daddy, you are going to have to take on more of the chores around the house."  
  
Nabiki pipes up "Good going, Sis. It's about time you got to live your own life."  
  
Kasumi continues as if Nabiki hadn't said anything. "I've received admission to a university to study civil engineering. It will mean that the budget will be tight for a while, but if both Nabiki and Akane take some time off before university like I did, and if daddy takes on some more classes, we should be able to afford it. Especially since Ranma is no longer around for Akane to use to make holes in the walls."  
  
Soun sobs "But, we need you, Kasumi, to keep this family running."  
  
Kasumi comments "Well, you could probably convince Nodoka to declare her husband legally dead as she hasn't seen him. Then you could marry her. She could keep house, and you'd have united the families."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"Diet-man Bakayaro, Nodoka Saotome has called again. We've told her you are still on a fact-finding trip in Honshu."  
  
"Very good."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"Where, on Earth, am I now!"  
  
Ranma walks up behind him. "You're in the land of broken dreams and shattered hopes. If this isn't a dream of yours, How did I get trapped in this prison? I'm not the Ranma you know."  
  
"Ranma, What are you talking about?"  
  
"When last you saw me, I hadn't been born. I travel through time, like a twig in a river. Welcome to my hell, come freely, and leave some of the happiness you bring."  
  
"You expect me to believe you're a Ranma from another time? Time travel doesn't exist!"  
  
"It's as true as our multiple curses. Would you trade curses for mine if you could?"  
  
"Of course! To be human instead of a pig? In a heartbeat!"  
  
"Not just that curse. All the ones we have."  
  
"What curses are you talking about?"  
  
"Surely you don't feel that you're living the life you deserve? You're multiply cursed, like I am. and of all of them, you only earned the least of them."  
  
"How dare you say I deserve my Jhusenkyo curse!"  
  
"You don't deserve that! Whatever could you have done that's so bad that you deserve that? You're a good man, aren't you?"  
  
"You admit I'm a good man?"  
  
"Sure! You have faults like all humans, but you want to get better. Don't you feel guilty when you realize you've done something bad? When you realized you cut Akane's hair, you immediately apologized, even though you obviously didn't mean to."  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"On the other extreme is Mousse, who put Akane in an aquarium under gallons of water from spring of drowned duck."  
  
"He did that? I'll kill him!"  
  
"It was a long time ago. Save your energy for more recent attrocities. If you try to punish every wrong done, you sin against God, for judgement belongs to him. When you seek revenge, first dig 2 graves. One for your victim, and one for you."  
  
"Don't preach to me about revenge. You know nothing about it."  
  
"You're wrong. I'm wreaking the most devistating revenge on several people. I found a harsher judge than Kami-sama. And none but the insane can escape their punishments."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"You've missed the last few days here. I haven't hurt anyone, I just kill dreams, leaving no wounds on flesh. I've already managed to remove one of my curses that way, appeasing the curse through the mass sacrifice of dreams."  
  
"You know a cure to the curse? Tell me!"  
  
"I still turn into a girl. The curse I lost is one you don't have."  
  
"What curse did you get rid of?"  
  
"It's best known by the name Genma."  
  
"You've killed your father?"  
  
"Of course not. Several others are still suffering him, but I'm free. Before I forget, when you get to the Tendos, the Emperor's lawyer wants to see you. Don't ask me why, I can't speak for the Emperor."  
  
"What Emperor?"  
  
"Our Emperor. The Emperor of Japan. Don't keep him waiting."  
  
"Which way to the Tendos?"  
  
"That way, see you."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"Genma, what are we going to do? All of our plans are being torn apart. Ranma's gone. Kasumi's leaving. Akane has offered to take over the chores of cooking. The center can not hold! I always thought Nabiki would be the first one to leave the nest. Now I think she's planning to leave home for good to avoid Akane's cooking, and to get a scholarship based on financial hardship."  
  
"This is horrible! We might have to eat her cooking."  
  
"Genma! My family is falling apart because of your son, and all you're worried about is food?"  
  
A knock is heard at the door. Soun and Genma can barely hear Kasumi inviting someone in. Soun calls out "Kasumi, who is it?"  
  
"It's Nodoka Saotome." A loud splash is heard. Nodoka enters to find Soun sitting alone at a shogi board, and a large panda sitting in the koi pond.  
  
Nodoka approaches Soun. She kneels down before Soun, with her wrapped Katana sitting on her lap in front of her. In a strong, clear, and quiet voice she asks "Where is my husband?"  
  
"He just left on a training trip."  
  
"I'm not in the mood. You're telling me that my husband left on a training trip just after trying to declare my son insane, after what I'm told was a ten year period of abuse? Strange how he's always gone when I show up, but government officials have had no trouble finding him, isn't it?"  
  
"Heh, heh. An amazing coincidence, isn't it?"  
  
"You know I've been seeking him, yet you never manage to get us together at the same time. But somehow, the people of this neighborhood say that the two of you spend almost all of your time together. Strange, isn't it?"  
  
"Well, you see ..."  
  
"No more lies, Soun. I don't care why you're hiding him from me. Deliver my husband to me within a week, or there is blood feud between our families. I know you wish to unite our families, but I swear on the Saotome honor, that if you don't deliver him, the Saotomes will rededicate their lives to exterminating the Tendo family. Thank you for your time."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
That evening, at dinner, Soun and Genma were awfully quiet. Finally Nabiki asked Kasumi what happened that day.  
  
"Ranma's mother came to visit."  
  
Soun bursts into tears.  
  
"And that's why they were so quiet?"  
  
"No, I think it was her threat of blood feud between our families."  
  
"What!"  
  
"No, wait, I got that wrong."  
  
"Thank goodness sister, you nearly gave me a heart attack."  
  
"It wasn't a threat. She said that bloodfeud existed if we don't turn Genma over to her within a week. Her threat was to wipe out the Tendo Clan."  
  
Genma tried to calm things down. "She didn't mean it."  
  
Kasumi clarified "She swore on the Saotome honor, and claimed it was a more pressing obligation than uniting our two families."  
  
Akane shouted "Well, what are we going to do?"  
  
Kasumi responds "Well, there's so many choices, I haven't decided how to handle it."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Well, if worst comes to pass, in six days, I'll be on another family's ledger."  
  
"There's gotta be a better solution."  
  
"Oh, yes. But if we can't agree on a course of action, or if Father insists on opposing Mrs. Saotome, I'd rather not be hunted by her, and by extension, Ranma."  
  
"You don't think he would?"  
  
Nabiki interrupted "He never broke off his engagement with Akane because of family honor. It hardly matters. All she has to do is promise that she'll support the marriage of Ranma to whoever delivers her husband, and the most Tendo skulls, and we'll have a dozen Amazons here. In a best case scenario, one of them becomes our mother. There are five choices open to us. First. we leave the Tendo family, and let it end here. Second through fourth. We ally ourselves with one of the Saotomes agaist all the others. Either we protect Genma and fight, or we turn him over to Mrs. Saotome, or we back Ranma."  
  
Akane asks "What's the fifth choice?"  
  
Nabiki answers "Well, if Daddy insists on protecting the panda, we could give Mrs Saotome either of the fathers, and declare Kasumi clan head."  
  
Kasumi answers "That was about what I figured. If Genma runs, our only choice is to seperate ourselves from father. Thats why I added to Genma's food enough animal sedatives to down an angry elephant. After the third panda incident, the local zoo commissioner and I became pretty good friends."  
  
Genma is, of course asleep at this point. But the fact that Kasumi drugged him was enough to snap Soun out of his crying festival. Nabiki looks at him coldly, and says "Well, daddy, in what direction will the Tendo Clan proceed in? Are you going to put us at risk? Or Genma? Or are you going to try to have it both ways?"  
  
Soun looks around, fully shocked. "Um, can I have it both ways?"  
  
"Then daddy, the women of the family will have to decide on what to do."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
The three girls are sitting in the guest room. Genma is still asleep, and tied up on the floor. Kasumi and Akane are sitting on Ranma's fouton, while Nabiki took the seat of highest prominence. She sat on Genma.  
  
Nabiki starts off the discussion "Let's make one thing perfectly clear. We are not going to defend Genma from his wife. Right? So our options are limited. Leave the family. Turn both fathers over to Nodoka, and hope she returns daddy. Force daddy aside as head of the household and give Genma over, or turn the Saotome's against themselves by siding with Ranma."  
  
"We don't need that pervert."  
  
"All other options involve either fighting daddy, or fighting Mrs. Saotome."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"The next morning finds all of the Tendo's and all of the adult Saotomes in the dojo. Soun sits between Genma and Nodoka, while they face the three daughters. Kasumi as the eldest, speaks first "The Saotome's and the Tendo's have long been allies. Your domestic dispute has dragged our family into it. We have decided that the Tendo family must maintain peace with the Saotome family, or both will be destroyed. Therefor we side with the de facto head of the Saotomes. We will treat you three as Ranma bids."  
  
Nabiki adds "That means all three of you are no longer welcome here until the Saotomes speak with one voice. Only Ranma is welcome. Get out"  
  
Soun and Nodoka both scream "What?" while Genma makes a break for it.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
As Soun and Nodoka leave the dojo (Genma has long since disappeared) Soun turns to Nodoka and says "I know this is awfully awkward, but would you be able to put me up for a few days?"  
  
Nodoka looks at him and says "Only if you'll answer my questions about what the hell is going on."  
  
"On second thought, I don't want to put you out. I'll impose on someone else."  
  
"I'm not giving you a choice. Come with me."  
  
"Ulp."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Nodoka informally serves Soun a cup of tea at the Saotome home. "Now then what's going on?"  
  
"I don't know where to begin."  
  
"How did you hide my husband each time I arrived. Are you having me watched so that he had warning?"  
  
"Oh no. Your visits were always a complete surprise. Do you believe in old myths of Chinese magic from the wilds of China?"  
  
"What has that got to do with it?"  
  
"Too many of those myths are true, and Genma and Ranma dragged them back here. Genma is under a curse which he uses to his advantage. Whenever he gets wet, he turns into a panda."  
  
"You're joking. I'm not in the mood."  
  
"I can take you to a Chinese restaurant where two other people have similar curses. If only that were the whole story."  
  
"What else?"  
  
"Genma was hiding Ranma from you because he was afraid you'd make him commit sappuku if you weren't satisfied with him. Genma and I think it was when Genma told him about the threat of death, and that you were not dead, coupled with the multiple fiancees, that finally caused Ranma to snap."  
  
"Is Ranma having trouble deciding which of your daughter to marry? Everyone always acted like he had chosen Akane."  
  
"Er, it isn't multiple Tendos that he's engaged to."  
  
"He hasn't gotten someone pregnant, has he?"  
  
"No, he doesn't get much chance to kiss a girl, much less anything else. The Tendo engagement is of course the most important one, but Genma has arranged additional fiancees for him, not counting the women who are chasing him for other reasons."  
  
"If Ranma is so manly, why was Genma afraid of the Seppuku pledge?"  
  
"Well, er... Ranma hasn't committed to any of them, although he likes Akane the most. Not making a decision could be considered childish, right?"  
  
"If he has that much attention from women, I think it very manly, that he enjoy it until he makes a decision."  
  
"Well, Genma wanted to have that resolved before meeting you."  
  
"I can begin to understand that, and I'm not going to take my anger of him out at you. But what did he do to get the doctors to classify Ranma as an abused child?"  
  
"Ahhh, this might take some time to explain."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Ranma's doctor visits him, delivering his mail. "You have a short note from your mother."  
  
Ranma reads it to the doctor. "Come home. We'll handle Genma's mistakes ourselves. Let's not air our dirty laundry in public."  
  
The doctor replies, "Unfortunately a typical request from a third family member in an abusive situation. The desire to see everyone compromise and form a happy family. Unfortunately it always leads back into more abuse. I've never seen a compromise really work, unless the abusor is actively seeking councelling too. But if you want to hide the situation from outside eyes, the abusor rarely gets the help needed. I can send her some pamphlets explaining this to her."  
  
"OK doc, but I've gotta word a response that doesn't reveal my sanity."  
  
"I really think you might be taking this insanity ploy a bit far."  
  
"That place is a madhouse. I don't want to give up anything that I might need later. How does this sound? Whomever you are, I will decide what is best for my family, after I determine who my family is.' What do you think?"  
  
"I don't know. You're leaving it ambiguous whether you mean you are forming a new family due to your madness, or if you do not believe who she is yet."  
  
"Hey. That works. That wasn't my plan, but any ambiguity will keep them guessing, and that will either keep them from acting, or more likely, act in the wrong direction. That will be my reply."  
  
"You also have a letter from the Tendos. It was forwarded here from Mr. Yanagawa."  
  
"This I didn't expect. A formal declaration. The Tendos will support any decision Ranma Saotome makes concerning Genma Saotome, and Nodoka Saotome in spite of the devisiveness his actions have brought to the Tendo Clan.' Signed by Akane, Nabiki, and Kasumi as head of the clan. I've got allies now, even if only Kasumi trusts me. I wonder how they handled their father.'  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Nabiki comes home. "Tadaima, Kasumi. Everything went allright at the bank. As head of the household, and as Matriarch, you now hold the family's pursestrings. Daddy has been removed as a signitory. I have power to sign for funds in an emergency, and you have power to sign for funds from my account the same way. The utilities will all be adressed to you next month, and daddy's mail is being routed to the Saotome's home."  
  
"Is all of this really necessary?"  
  
"Probably not. But without it, Daddy could walk back whenever he gets the nerve and pretend nothing has happened. If we couldn't stop him, no one will believe we are serious. Damn Ranma for forcing this situation."  
  
"Perhaps it's time I paid a call on Ranma."  
  
"You wont get in. All Saotomes and Tendos are barred admittance."  
  
"Even if I don't see him, I should still make the attempt."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Kasumi enters the hospital, carrying a wrapped plate of cookies. The receptionist asks, "Can I help you?"  
  
"My name is Kasumi Tendo. I'd like to visit Ranma Saotome, but my family is on the list to deny admittance. Could you ask if I might see him?"  
  
"Let me call his doctor, and have him ask. Please have a seat."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
A few minutes later, the receptionist approaches her. "Misses Tendo? The doctor would like to know in what capacity you are visiting."  
  
"Oh my. So many things have changed at home lately. But I really only came as a friend, and to let him know what's been going on in his absence."  
  
"In that case, he'll be waiting for you in visitor's room number eleven."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"So, how are things going at home?"  
  
"Well, Akane's in shock over helping us evict father, and Nabiki is furious."  
  
"Nabiki's just mad at herself. She thought she knew how everyone would behave. I was the dumb jock, and she was the clever one. When I stopped behaving the way I always had, she started loosing choices she thought she'd always have. She feels like I've outsmarted her, because she can't do what she wants. So until she puts one over on me and proves she's smarter, she's going to act like her panties were bunched up."  
  
"Have you outsmarted her?"  
  
"Naw, I just stopped protecting her. She relied on me, but wouldn't admit it to herself. Now she's gotta solve her own problems, or ask for help, and she can't stand that."  
  
"So, you think it's pride, and self deception that's causing her to act this way?"  
  
"Yeah, that's most of it. Have you ever visited another country without being on a packaged class trip?"  
  
"No, I haven't"  
  
"You should when you get the chance. You've heard of culture shock'? Its when things you never thought about, or expected to change, suddenly do, and the automatic reactions that we use can't work right. The worst is when it is totally innocent. Like when you go to the toilet in a Muslim country, and find out at the last minute that there is no toiletpaper dispenser. Nabiki's going through that now. She assumed I'd be there to pound my old man, and when I wasn't she flipped."  
  
"It has been a hectic week. I've decided to go to University next year. It means Nabiki will probably have to wait a few years before we can afford to send her and Akane to University, but we should be able to manage it."  
  
"Have you decided what you want to study, yet?"  
  
"I was thinking of civil engineering, The building of bridges and powerplants and things."  
  
"When I suggested that you should have something at the end of the day to point at, and feel pride in, I never imagined, you'd be changing the Japanese skyline."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Akane was making use of Kasumi's absense to cook dinner for Kasumi and Nabiki, when Shampoo burst into the kitchen. "Where'd you hide my husband?"  
  
"I don't know or care where that idiot is! And he's not your husband! He no longer lives here anymore!"  
  
"Did Violent Girl throw another tantrum so that her father would kick Ranma out?"  
  
"Daddy no longer lives here either. Because of Ranma and his parents, we've thrown him out!"  
  
"Foriener girls threw out the men and are now running house without men? First time you do really smart thing. Who is head of your clan?"  
  
"Kasumi is."  
  
"It's good to make the healer a leader in time of peace. A healer in peaceful times so the tribe may grow, A warrior in violent times so the tribe doesn't shrink.' See you."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Shampoo drops down in front of Nabiki. "Where's my husband!"  
  
"Shampoo, you know I don't give out such information for free."  
  
"I offer you vital information in exchange then. On your honor, you give me a fair exchange for my secret?"  
  
"Of course. Assuming I didn't know it already."  
  
"Akane is cooking your dinner."  
  
Nabiki blanched, and proceeded to relate everything she could think of concerning Ranma, his parents, and her father, and made reservations for dinner that night at the Nekohanten.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"Great-grandmother. I can't find Ranma, but I have alot of information. More than I know how to deal with."  
  
"Well, child. Tell me what we have learned."  
  
Shampoo relates all that had happened. Afterwards "Cologne frowns at Shampoo. "Child. As an elder, I should tell you to abandon Ranma, but as your grandmother, I don't want to do that. I can give you a couple of days, but you must tell me before trying anything that might anger Ranma. If you don't know how to definitely get Ranma as a husband voluntarily, I'll have to order you to stop."  
  
"But why?"  
  
"Ranma has made continuing our pursuit much more dangerous, and he has simultaneously given us a face-saving excuse. Tell me, Shampoo, what he could do if we brought him into the tribe against his will?"  
  
"If he ran away, we'd chase him!"  
  
"This information doesn't go beyond this room. What I'm about to tell you, I will never have mentioned. I tell you this because I care for you, and don't want to forbid you without you knowing the full reason why. He's threatened to end the amazons if we remove his freedom of choice. He could do it easily."  
  
"Even Ranma's not good enough to kill the amazons!"  
  
"When a thermonuclear bomb can fit in a suitcase, or a package, he's strong enough. Shampoo, what would be the results if warriors were found in borderline Musk territory, killed using Herb's method of combat? Is there anyone besides an elder who could survive, if we pushed him to the point where he could kill? Ranma's too good to kill the Amazons. If he doesn't come voluntarily, he could be a poison pill when we swallow him. Ranma is now under the protection of the Japanese state. Trying anything overt will have far reaching repercussions, including war with Beijing.  
  
"We may be a warrior tribe, but we can be defeated from without. We have survived by making the price of that victory too expensive to contemplate. Ranma has just done the same thing. We can get him at any time, but our losses will be unacceptable."  
  
"But I can't go home without Ranma!"  
  
"You can't go home with Ranma, unless he agrees. And unless he agrees to eventually capitulate, as an Amazon elder, it is my duty to use the excuse that he's now under the protection of the Japanese government, and out of our reach. It is a face-saving gesture."  
  
"But what will happen to me if I don't bring him."  
  
"Child, I'll do everything I can to protect you, but it will be the council's decision. I can give you a couple of days, but then I'll have to order you home."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
A somewhat subdued Shampoo enters the office and sits down. "Mr. Yanagawa, I'm told I need to get your approval to see Ranma."  
  
"That's not completely true. If you disagree with my opinion, you may always see Ranma's doctor. As of yet, Ranma hasn't told us whether to permit or refuse you entrance, so it falls to me to make the decision, Unless you would be willing to write to Ranma."  
  
"No. I must speak to him in person. It's very important. It may affect my life for years to come."  
  
"Well, Ranma has told me a bit about you. So what do you want to talk to Ranma about?"  
  
"Ranma spoke about me? What did he say?"  
  
"He told me you came from a matriarchy, hidden in China. That when it came to fighting, or honor, you had to be treated as one would a Japanese male of great skill. Inspite this, there was nothing masculine about you. He said you certainly weren't an uncute tomboy.' He told me what he knew of your laws, and said you could be a good friend, or a deadly enemy, unfortunately sometimes on the same day. He also mentioned that I couldn't find any guards adequate to protect me from you, but that I wouldn't need them as long as I don't challenge you, and the old ghoul' doesn't explicitly want me killed.  
  
"In other words, you are to be respected, but not feared."  
  
"Hmmph. Amazons should always be feared. But he's right. I only fight those that need fighting. I have a problem. All the rules I've known have been changed. My only choices are to go home in disgrace, or beg Ranma. And Amazons never beg! Great-grandmother can't help me. No one else wants to help me. I need Ranma to give me advice."  
  
"This is an important question. I think it's one that Ranma uses to decide who should visit, and who shouldn't. In what role do you want to interact with Ranma? Is he your husband? Your Airen?"  
  
"Yes he is. But I really want to see him because there's no one else who can help me, and no one else would understand or care!"  
  
"I'll see what I can do."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"Shampoo? Ranma has said that he's no one's husband, but if you need help, he'll see you."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"Hi, Shampoo. What's up?"  
  
"You and Great grandmother are the only people I can ask for advice, and great-grandmother can not help me here. You know I've tried everything I could to win you. Now I'm in trouble because I didn't win. Then I think about how you would handle my problem. Great grandmother always said that if you can't win by skill, use trickery. Trickery didn't work. Whenever you can't win by skill, you try to change the fight so you come out ahead, even if you don't win. I have two days to get you to come to China willingly. That's not going to happen. What do you think I should do?"  
  
"You mean the old ghoul finally listened to me?"  
  
"She said you must be willing to come without force or trickery, and within two days, or our marriage will be annulled."  
  
"Shampoo, You know that's what I wanted for months."  
  
"But why do you want it ended? Aren't I beautiful? I'm a great cook, and an even better fighter!"  
  
"Shampoo, I've told you a hundred times why, and you've never listened."  
  
"Well tell me again, right now! I'm listening!" Shampoo yelled at Ranma, halfway between tears and rage.  
  
Ranma looks sad. "I don't want to marry anyone right now. Everyone is forcing me to. I want to get to know my future wife. Go on dates, fall in love, and then get married to someone who really cares about me, and isn't being forced into it, and is seeing the real me, not just what they want to see. Everyone treats me as if I'm a prize to be won from the other girls. Nobody wants me, they just want to possess me!"  
  
"I want you. I love you."  
  
"You can't. You barely know me. Maybe if we knew each other longer you might know me well enough. But there's no way you can right now. Ryouga might have beaten you on that day. You were overconfident, and he's almost as good as me. Then you'd be chasing Ryouga right now."  
  
"At first it was just the law, and that you were cute, and not Mousse. But I did get to know you better. In two days the law will say we were never married, but I still love you."  
  
"You don't know me well enough to love me."  
  
"I love you enough to want to know you better! In two days you aren't my Airen! Now can I get to know you?"  
  
"When you aren't forced to be my wife, will you be my friend?"  
  
"I thought we were already friends."  
  
"I have no friends, just people trying to squeeze me into what they want. If the law was gone, I'd like to be your friend."  
  
"I'd like that."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"Great grandmother! I've decided."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"What I want to do about Ranma. I want you to annull the marriage. Let me say goodbye to my friends. Tell the council that I plan to go on a self-imposed exile after they finish punishing me, and come back here and spend more time with Ranma."  
  
"I don't understand why you are doing this."  
  
"Ranma is too powerful to force to come with us. The only way left to get him now is to beg, and I'll never beg a man for anything. I can't be his superior or his inferior, so I must work to stay his equal, and hope he falls for me in time. He wont do it while we're married, so the marriage must end sooner, rather than later. So let's go to China, and get my punishment. No one will say that Shampoo ran away from the council! I'll be running towards what I want, as an amazon should!"  
  
"You do know the risks you're taking? Both with the council and with Ranma? You're giving up your only hold on him."  
  
"That hold never worked. I'll try using friendship as a hold. He doesn't mind that. Besides, he should be brought into the tribe as an equal instead of as a male. He's twice the woman of several of our warriors!"  
  
"I never thought you'd be interested in a same-sex paring."  
  
"I've seen him in the bath, He's man enough when I want a man, and a shieldsister too!"  
  
"Wild horse' indeed. Well, I can let you have the restaurant for a base of operations, but you'll have to pursue Ranma without my help."  
  
"Could you train Mousse enough that he'll be too sore to travel?"  
  
"I'm sure we can arrange something. Go find that idiot, so he can witness my annulling the marriage, and when he celebrates, you may thrash him soundly, so he doesn't cause trouble. Remember, no broken bones, we need someone to carry our stuff home."  
  
"Nabiki is coming tonight for dinner, she might bring Kasumi, but Akane will be at home. She's cooking."  
  
"We'll wait until then, and see if Ukyou will join us."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Nabiki was surprised. "Ukyou, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Mousse came over to my restaurant, and said that I was invited for dinner, and for an announcement that would change the playing field for Ranma forever."  
  
Cologne approaches them. "That is correct. You are invited to a complementary dinner, after which I'll make a formal announcement as Amazon Matriarch, which will most definitely affect us all."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
As Cologne finishes her meal, she calls Shampoo over. "Close the restaurant, so that there will be no more orders for a while, Tell Mousse to do all the chores, and join us. It is time."  
  
After the hustle dies down, Shampoo sits down. Cologne makes her announcement. "In respect to your emperor, under whom Ranma has sought protection, and as a gesture of friendship between our village, and your islands, we renounce all claim to Ranma Saotome. Shampoo's marriage is now annulled. Furthermore, Ranma is immune to any of the outsider laws, regardless of what has happened in the past or future. Ranma is not an Amazon, either as a male, or a female."  
  
Nabiki smirks. "Some people would feel insulted by your comparison of yourself and your village, to our emperor, and our country."  
  
"Many would be insulted that I raised your side equal to ours. In terms of physical, and political power, he rates sadly compared to me. True, his empire is huge compared to mine, But a word from me could mean war. I don't see that the emperor has that ability. He is the spiritual head of Japan, but I am at the head politically, and militarily. After all, he's a member of the frailer gender."  
  
Ukyou interrupts, "So what happens now? Are you just giving up?"  
  
Shampoo looks angry "I haven't given up. After my punishment for failing, I'm coming back, and try the only thing no one here has tried. I keep trying until I win Ranma, or he loose me to another man. If he's smart, he wont let it last that long. He hasn't learned yet what he'd be loosing, or he'd be coming with us!"  
  
Nabiki grins, "Conceeding your hold on Ranma, but not your arrogance?"  
  
Cologne comments, "There are very few that we will acknowledge our equals. Arrogance, is an occupational hazard. Wether Shampoo returns or not, I'm moving back for good. I'm having this restaurant transferred to Shampoo. She'll now have a sizeable amount of capital for Nabiki to acquire."  
  
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When Mr. Yanagawa next visited Ranma, He announced, "I had a visit from the Amazon matriarch. She is giving you dispensation from all Amazon laws regardless of anything that happened in the past, or in the future. She said you aren't an amazon in either of your forms, but that you'd still be welcome to visit. She had it written on this scroll so that if the need arises, you can show it to any Amazons who might not know.  
  
"She also said that they were leaving Japan immediately, and left personal notes to you from both her and Shampoo."  
  
Ranma reads Cologne's note and chuckles. "She said I was one of her best students, but if I didn't keep practicing, she'd send her other students to fight me, just to embarrass me."  
  
He then read Shampoo's note. "That's wierd. Cologne signed her note with Hope to see you again' and Shampoo signed with See you soon.'"  
  
"Well, she did point out that even if you have diplomatic immunity with her tribe, that that didn't mean that you'd never see them again. She said that in practical terms, you're going to be treated as a promising young warrior, but without the rights and obligations other amazons have.  
  
"She also mentioned that you'll be something of a celebrity in absentia. Amazons in Japan are likely to stop by and gawk. She said she even had an idea to make your exploits into a children's story for the amazons. She said it would be heroic comedy. She wasn't sure wether to change your name in the stories to a traditional one, or not."  
  
"My life as a bedtime story? I don't know wether to be complimented or insulted!"  
  
"She said that if she did, your father would be a real panda, you'd be the main amazon character, Shampoo would be the ingenue warrior, Ukyou would be the pushy, snobbish fighter, and Akane would be the clumsy ogre with a heart of gold. She thought you'd get a kick out of that."  
  
"I better not tell anyone else that, or there'll be a revenge party heading to China."  
  
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Author's notes: I was planning on Ukyou being the first fiancee to come to her senses. Unfortunately, I like Ukyou too much, so Ranma wasn't as vicious as he was towards Shampoo. Shampoo was the first to break, and the first to recover.  
  
Also Hiroshi and Daisuke seem to have completely disappeared from the story. Daisuke was going to be my sacrifice for dramatic tension! I didn't even get a chance to send him off to England to be beheaded!  
  
The idea of an Amazon bedtime story amuses me, but it didn't come out too well. I've posted it separately.  
  
Please, please, review, correct, argue, or discuss this story. 


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, Akane cornered Nabiki while she fumed with lightly restrained anger. "Where were you and Kasumi last night? I cooked dinner and neither of you showed up!"  
  
Nabiki smiled "We were listening to Cologne freeing Ranma and Shampoo from their obligation to marry. They're leaving for China today."  
  
"You're kidding."  
  
"She announced it to Kasumi, Ukyou and I, and Shampoo agreed. Shampoo seemed to be looking forward to her new status."  
  
"But they've been chasing Ranma for ages. What about Shampoo's honor?"  
  
"Shampoo's off seeking absolution. Once she undergoes her punishment, her honor will be restored. Cologne even set it up so that other amazons couldn't give Ranma the kiss of death or marriage."  
  
"Why wasn't I invited?"  
  
"Have you ever had a kind word for Shampoo?"  
  
"Still, It affects me."  
  
"Yes, but nothing you do now affects them. Why should they go out of their way to help you?"  
  
--------------------------------  
  
As Ranma walked into the classroom, Ukyou called out "Hey, Ranchan, how are you today?"  
  
"Much better. Last night I figured out the secret to a happy life."  
  
"How'd you do that?"  
  
"It came to me as a fully formed idea. Love is flame, therefor to be happy, one must flee love."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Love is dangerous, so to be happy and safe, you should give love to as many people as possible, to deplete your own supply. And above all, resist accepting any love that other people try to give you. It's too hard to accept just as much love that will keep you warm, and not get burned."  
  
"So you're just going to refuse other people's love?"  
  
"Wherever possible. Love is freely given, therefor it has the most strings attached. Chains of honor, pity, guilt. Love others, and you bind them to yourself.  
  
If love is a thorn, they show no wit  
  
Who foolishly hug and foster it.  
  
If love is a weed, how simple they  
  
Who gather it, day by day!' "  
  
"But what about those of us who already love you?"  
  
"I've forgiven you, because of our friendship. But you shouldn't dwell on it, it will pass. Love fades. There's even a cure for it, they call it marriage."  
  
"Marriage isn't a cure for love!"  
  
"Isn't it? Marriage is supposed to unite two people into one, One mind, two bodies. Imagine how silly it would be if your right arm desired your left arm romantically, so why should husband and wife love each other? It reeks of Narcissism. You have an attractive left elbow. Should your ears be in rapturous desire over it?"  
  
"It's not the same thing!"  
  
"Sure it is. For there to be a passionate feeling, there can't be complacency. And how could you not become complacent when your partner has sworn lifelong devotion?"  
  
"Making a relationship work requires effort, but it's worth it!"  
  
"When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.' That's why people are always reluctant to admit when they're either falling into or out of love. They're trying to deceive someone."  
  
"People don't like to admit to falling out of love, because loosing someone's love hurts."  
  
"Like an abcessed tooth being pulled. Less painful in the long run. But you shouldn't worry, I love everyone. I love you for your naivite. I love Soun Tendo for his pathetic pathos. Nabiki for her predictably trying to be unpredictable. Cologne for her ability to rule, and refusal to govern. Kuno for the silence when he breaths in. Akane's imagination in believing the worst possible scenario for what happened, regardless of fact. And Shampoo for her empathic understanding of others. Who did I miss? Bless this chair for doing a great job supporting my ass."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Nodoka puts down her teacup. "So you think it was due to Genma's training methods, that classified as child abuse? But surely the hospital understands that there will be bruises while sparring."  
  
Soun sighs, "Yes, well, Genma does believe in training outside of training sessions."  
  
"You mean he beat my son?"  
  
"Oh, no! I meant that he trained Ranma to detect surprise attacks by attacking him at random intervals."  
  
"Still, this isn't unreasonable treatment for teaching someone martial arts."  
  
"Well, there's also the problem of the esoteric training methods Genma used, like the Nekoken."  
  
"What did he do."  
  
"When Ranma was six, he wrapped him up in fish sausage, and through him into a pit of starving cats a few times."  
  
"What!"  
  
"But Ranma survived and learned a valuable technique."  
  
"So my son overcame all of that without injury?"  
  
"Just a few scratches, and an occasional lapse in sanity."  
  
"My son's insane?"  
  
"Oh, nothing like that. He only loses his sanity around cats."  
  
"So you think that this was the technique that they are referring to when they say he was abused?"  
  
"Well, it could have been the time he bound Ranma's arms behind his back, and dropped him in the middle of lake Biwa to teach him to swim, or the blindfolded caber juggling. Or the landing of the drunken owl."  
  
"How do you teach that one?"  
  
"Fasten the subjects forearms to their opposite calves, and catapult them into pine trees."  
  
"So you think it was training violence?"  
  
"Well, there's also the starvation diet until the subject learns Saotome style eating. And there was the constant verbal abuse to drive him further in the art."  
  
"So it was just his training methods, that he used twenty four hours a day that were considered Abuse?"  
  
"Well, there was also the constant moving around, so he never made friends for long, and the lessons in theft, and the stealing of his best friend's dowery, and the multiple engagements. It's really hard to say what it was that they considered Child Abuse. There's so much to choose from."  
  
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"I can't understand why you wouldn't want to be loved."  
  
"Do you think Shampoo likes the way Mousse acts? Do you like the way Tsubasa acts around you?"  
  
"That isn't love, it's just mindless obsession They're a pair of idiots."  
  
"I've only seen one person happy in his lovelife, and that was Kuno, before I started school here. He loved Akane with all his heart, or at least some part of his anatomy, and she didn't even like him. Kuno was in rapture."  
  
"Kuno's an insane idiot."  
  
"My point exactly. one must be insane to enjoy love."  
  
"People fall into love because it feels wonderful."  
  
"For the same reasons that they smoke, drink, take morphiene or caffiene, and all the other poisons they dump into their system to dull the pains of existence."  
  
"Love isn't a poison!"  
  
"It destroyed your childhood. It leaves Mousse open to constant abuse. It's made a basket case out of Akane's father, and made Akane despise boys. It drives Kuno into making an ass of himself. Show me one pair of people who are happy in love. Even if you find a pair, you can't prove that it will last. Love engenders hate. philanthropy causes mysanthropy. Cruelty arises out of kindness. There was no sin before there was a moral code. All sadness arises out of desires. Perhaps it is time for me to renounce life altogether and become a budhist monk."  
  
"You'd really give everything up and take the vows to become a monk?"  
  
"I've never had anything to give up! The only thing I ever had was the art. I can certainly practice it better at a mountainside temple than I can in this madhouse."  
  
"And what about my family's honor!"  
  
"You bring honor to your family through the life you lead. I don't see what it has to do with me. If you want, I could lecture your father on the stupidity of making marriage arrangements with a known thief, but if he didn't learn his lesson when he frittered away your dowery, he's not likely to now. Besides, you don't need the yattai for a dowery. You're already a successful business woman at 16."  
  
"Your father engaged us!"  
  
"I have no father. I'm inconceivable. Look at how complex the human body really is! Do you think any of those idiot adults could have actually created me? Besides, my divinity was revealed last week."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Last week, I tried praying. But I found I was only talking to myself. Don't worry, I learned my lesson last time. This time, no disciples!"  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Judas may have betrayed me to the state, and Peter may have denied knowing me three times, but it was Paul who perverted my teachings to make them acceptable to the Hellenistic world. Damn idiots couldn't tell a parable from a metaphore. Siddartha had the right idea. Class is starting again. We can discuss this more later.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"Have you thought of any defence for love?"  
  
"Love doesn't need a defence. It's the strongest of emotions. Anyone who has felt true love knows that."  
  
"Love is the flimsiest of emotions. It cannot survive, except through constant work, or insurmountable odds."  
  
"Then, it is even more wonderful that something so beautiful and ephemeral exists!"  
  
"It appears no other thing to me than a foul and pestelent congregation of vapours. Don't worry, there are antibiotics that can end that foul, foriegn, pustule of love deep within you."  
  
"You know Shampoo still loves you, even though she gave up her claim to you?"  
  
"She told me that, the first time she opened her mouth to listen, and could finally see clearly what I said. I talk, and people hear me not. When I shut up, everyone hears me."  
  
"Ranma. Is the boy I fell in love with still inside you? You've changed so much."  
  
"I haven't changed. I'm just standing my ground. How well did you ever know me? Everyone tries to force my hand, make me do what they want, and everyone says they're doing it for my own good. Some even believe it. But no one has even picked up on my most noticeable characteristic. I won't be forced, coerced, manipulated, tricked, bribed, bought, sold, rented, owned, or traded. My life's my own. i am not an object, I am a free man."  
  
"But I love you!"  
  
"Love isn't a good enough excuse. I can understand your problem, and sympathise. But beating me over the head with your pains, is not an act of love, nor of friendship."  
  
"I don't beat you over the head with anything!"  
  
"You constantly insist we're going to marry. The idea of other people expressing affection drives you to anger. You often imply I have no choice in the matter because of your dowry, and your families honor."  
  
"This isn't the real you talking. Something has happened to you. You'll snap out of it!"  
  
"Even if I were mad, that doesn't change the truth about your actions. The truth doesn't depend on who says it. You're either my friend, or my fiancee. No one could be both."  
  
"You're breaking our engagement?"  
  
"No one can tell me who I can't marry! I'll propose to whomever I want! I'll destroy anyone who tries to stop me. But not right now, I haven't succeeded sacrificing my life yet. Maybe then I'll be ready to marry."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
A secretary from the school administration enters Ranma's classroom, and talks with his teacher. The teacher turns towards the class and says, "Ranma Saotome? You're excused from class in order to take care of this problem."  
  
As Ranma follows the secretary down the hall, he asks her "What's this about?"  
  
"Your mother is waiting for you in the faculty office." She stops walking as she noticed that Ranma is no longer following her. "What's wrong?"  
  
"She's trying to bypass the court's orders against seeing me. Who gave you the order to bring me?"  
  
"The vice principal. Come on, they're waiting for you."  
  
"Tell them I've left for the day." Ranma turns around and leaves the school."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
The secretary enters the faculty office. "I'm sorry, but when I told him it was to see his mother, he got angry, and left the building."  
  
The vice principal becomes insensed "How dare he disobey when I summoned him. I'll see he gets detention for this, at least." He turns towards Nodoka "I'm sorry I wasn't able to help you."  
  
"That's quite alright. I'm aware how headstrong my son can be. Thank you for your time and effort."  
  
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Author's notes: I'd really appreciate it if you could review this. 


	7. Chapter 7

The teacher begins class announcing "I'm sorry to say our vice principal has been temporarily suspended. We haven't been told the reasons why. I'm sure we all offer him our support, and hope that he's reinstated soon."  
  
Ranma snorts, "I don't. Seeing as how I reported to the authorities his collusion in attempted child abuse. I hope he looses his job, and I've been called upon as a witness to see that he does."  
  
The entire class looks shocked. The teacher manages to close his mouth, and ask "You reported him to the authorities for child abuse? How could you do that to him!"  
  
Ranma looks at the teacher "Surely you don't want to go on record saying I should have covered up his behavior? Do you condone people in authority using their power to cover up child abuse, and being allowed to continue to run a school? In any case, he violated explicit orders from the school board. I understand the teacher's union is paying for his lawyer. They might get him off with a slight reprimand. On the other hand, if he claims that he didn't know what he was doing was forbidden, then the principal might also lose his job."  
  
"You seem to know alot about it, Saotome."  
  
"Just because the principal is trying to hush it up doesn't mean I'm going to let him. It would have been in this morning's papers if he didn't convince the editor that since child abuse was involved that they should keep quiet to protect the child. What a load of bullshit. They're just trying to protect the adults."  
  
"Aren't you concerned about protecting the child, Saotome?"  
  
"I am protecting the child. The principal didn't. The teachers didn't. I am. And I'll see as many adult's careers die that I need to to see to it. Do you still think we should wish him our support, Sensei?"  
  
"Well, so far, it's just your word against his."  
  
"He's already confessed to part of it. His trial will determine the rest of it, Sensei."  
  
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Having unfortunately been splashed with cold water, Ranma is almost pounced by an overly affectionate Kuno. "Pig-tailed Girl! I've missed you for so ..." Kuno's greeting is unfortunately cut off by Ranma's foot in his mouth.  
  
"Kuno, I'm bored of this whole noble samurai shtick. Don't talk to me until you're willing to be Tuxedo Kamen for a change."  
  
"But, my love! I don't understand!"  
  
"As long as you're the noble samurai, I don't want to listen to you. Go away until you're willing to be Tuxedo Kamen. You still get to use your red roses, so it shouldn't be much of a stretch."  
  
"What vile spell has Saotome put on you?"  
  
"I've told you my condition, now if you wont leave, I will." And with that, Ranma leaped for the rooftops."  
  
Had anyone else heard this conversation, Kuno's later behavior would have been at least explicable.  
  
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Nodoka answers her doorbell, to see a police officer, and a business man waiting for her. "Nodoka Saotome?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I'm here to issue a restraining order." He hands Nodoka an envelope. "You are forbidden to get within 100 meters of Furinkan High-school, or to intentionally get within 50 meters of Ranma Saotome, or to remain within 50 meters of Ranma Saotome if you find yourself closer. If you fail to move as quickly as possible without risking injury to people away from Ranma Saotome, or if you approach the school, you will be arrested for contempt of court, and will not be able to receive bail until you have seen a magistrate. If you have any questions, there is a phone number to call on the bottom of the first page. I've also been asked to tell you that the vice-principal who tried to help you has been arrested. I hope the rest of your day will be more agreeable."  
  
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It was the middle of class, when a rose, with a weighted lead stem, embedded into the teacher's desk, and a tuxedoed Kuno wearing a domino eye-mask stood on the ledge of Ranma's classroom window, and addressed Ranma, who was just waking from a nap "Fear not, Sailor Pig-tailed Girl, for though the teacher drones on, still you shall prevail!" At which point Kuno overbalanced, and fell backward out the window.  
  
At this point it became obvious that he had been lowered by a rope tied around his waist, as the trailing rope went taught, before pulling Sasuke off of the roof, and landing him on Kuno's stomach.  
  
The gossip in the classroom completely masked Ranma muttering to himself "I can't believe he went for it."  
  
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Genma was hiding. Both Soun and Nodoka were hunting him down, and Nodoka apparently knew about his panda form. Plus he kept running into animal control officers, that were obviously prepared to bring in a panda. It might not be so bad to lay low for a while in a zoo, if it weren't for the fact that Nodoka would get wind of it, and he'd be a sitting duck.  
  
So Genma was making an effort to stay male, however the last two bars he'd entered, told him that police were looking for him, and described him pretty well. And there was a mention of a reward. Two people pulled out cell-phones when he entered the bar. Genma hated being picked up by the fuzz. It was invariably painful.  
  
This was all Ranma's fault. What should he do now? Grab Ranma and force him to stop all this craziness, or lie low until this all blew over? The posters on the police kiosk at the train-station decided things for him. No choice, but to steal a raincoat, and hike out of town. Things were too hot in Nerima.  
  
Once Soun calmed down, he could grab Soun, and the two of them could get Ranma, and stop all of this.  
  
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That afternoon, Ranma was relating to his doctor all of the incident surrounding Ukyou's dowry. The doctor mentioned "As you are my patient, and it's necessary that you feel free to tell me whatever is going on with your life without fear of my interfering, I can't act on the information you're giving me without your permission. But throughout your story of what Ukyou has gone through, I suspect that she too has suffered undue abuse from her father. Her father must have known that your father was dishonorable after the way he pushed you to steal food, yet he still made the arrangement with your father concerning the engagement. Then to assuage his family honor, he pushed all of the burden onto Ukyou, forcing her to live as a man, and to seek revenge. If you weren't telling me this in confidence, I'd be compelled to find Ukyou, and determine how much damage her living as a man has caused her."  
  
"She seems to regard it as something beyond her father's control. As necessary once the dowry had been taken."  
  
"If it were truly beyond control, then she would be unable to consider her engagement to still be valid."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"If the engagement is still valid, then she never had to dress up as a man. Then it was her families choice to seek out revenge rather than tracking you down for marriage. Furthermore, why did the cost of the broken engagement and the duty of tracking your father down fall to her? It was her father who made the agreement that had been broken. Technically in a dowry, the arrangement is with the bride's father. The dowry belonged to the bride's father. The dishonor and need for recompense belongs to the bride's father. For all of this to be shoved off onto the daughter, and none of it borne by the father, is a flagrant abuse of parental responsibility."  
  
"In any event, for the marriage to be placed on your shoulders, the dowry must be given to you to start your new life. Your father is not supposed to keep it. So as long as there's no way that the dowry can be given to you, there's no reason why the marriage applies to you. If your father still had the dowry, he could claim he was holding it until the marriage, but as it's gone, your father didn't 'accept' the dowry for you, he stole it from them. You are not honor bound to marry Ukyou, your family is honor bound to make good on the theft, which in your case is a much better situation. It means you could honorably separate yourself completely from the Kuonjis merely by reporting the theft to the police."  
  
"But the Kuonjis still want the marriage, what's to stop my pop from making a new arrangement regarding me in order to get them to drop the charges?"  
  
"Your father can't make a legally binding agreement with them regarding you as long as you are under the state's protection. Since the Kuonjis know about your status, and they know twice over that your father is a thief, they have no reason to expect you to accept the burdens placed on you by your father."  
  
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It was the drugged food that ultimately did Genma Saotome in. Even knowing he had to get away as fast as possible, even knowing he was being hunted. Genma ignored the sign saying "Do not eat" and polished off half of the food before the drugs hit.  
  
Luckily for him, the trap wasn't set by the police, or the animal control officers. Unfortunately it was set by his wife.  
  
Genma awoke as a human, with his legs and arms bound to a chair using piano wire, and his wife honing the family sword in front of him. "Welcome back, husband, how was your trip?"  
  
"Honey, I can explain."  
  
"Please do. I have a list of things that need explaining. Lets see if you can find excuses for them all without knowing which ones I've listed. Tell me about your trip."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"If all three of the Tendo daughters have rejected you as a suitor since you came under the state's protection, you're free to declare that the Tendos had nullified the engagement. Your father can no longer try to over rule you. In fact, since the engagement is more or less fixed on Akane, her objection would be sufficient.  
  
"Alternately, all you'd need is Kasumi's statement that she wont insist on a marriage. As de jure head of her family, her word on this subject is law. This doesn't mean you have to stop dating any of the girls, if you want, just that you can now disregard other people's demands, both on legal grounds, and on honor grounds. And further, no one can use those relationships as an excuse to use pressure on you.  
  
"Up until now, everyone has been using those relations as an excuse to allow them to do things to you, that they never really had the right to. Soun Tendo, in particular never had the right to try to bully you. If he was upset, he should have yelled at your father or his daughter. Yet he used the engagement as giving him the right to dictate to you. Now with him estranged from his daughters, there's no one he has the right to yell at, besides your father."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
A police officer took Ukyou aside. "We've received a report that someone named Genma Saotome stole a food cart from your family when you were six, and that until recently he's been living here in Nerima. Will your family be pressing charges?"  
  
"Who reported it?"  
  
"His son, Ranma Saotome. He says he witnessed the theft, as well as hearing Genma brag about it. He said it was supposed to be the dowry for an engagement between the two of you, but that his father stole it and disposed of it before there could be a marriage. He's also being sought for multiple cases of child abuse, possession of an endangered species, and Ranma Saotome suggested you might wish to file charges of child abandonment. Ranma has also connected him with a ten year old case of multiple animal cruelty, but the statute of limitations might have expired on that. The civil cases against him will still be outstanding, and will probably amount to hundreds of thousands of yen, if not millions.  
  
Author's Note: I'm Flabbergasted. I posted a story called "Ranma, Half A Mail" And didn't give any kind of description of the story itself, except to say it was a bit of a whittle, "This isn't my best work, I'm afraid"  
  
More people read it than any of my other stories. I mentioned that no one had reviewed any of my stuff in the last 3 weeks, and received more reviews than any other chapter. only one story has more reviews.  
  
I'm grateful. I'm happy about it. I just have no idea why, or what I should do to get so many people to read my future output.  
  
I said it was poor, I didn't describe it, and over 300 people read it. I just don't understand.   
  
I apologize for the 'fuzz' double entendre. I don't know what came over me.  
  
This is as far as I'd gotten before I stopped writing for over a year. I've writen another 5K words, and am nearing the end of the story. there are 2 major scenes still unwritten that I have to figure out, as well as about 5K more words. I'll post it as soon as I can. 


	8. Chapter 8

Hamlet: You are welcome. But my uncle-father and aunt-mother are deceiv'd.  
Guildenstern: In what, my dear lord?  
Hamlet: I am but mad north-north-west.  
When the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.  
  
Once again Nodoka sits in Mr. Yanagawa's office, although this time she's much less demanding in her outlook. "What do I have to do to get Ranma released to my care?"  
  
"There are a number of problems, all of which have to be addressed before that can happen. Not all of which can be fixed by you alone."  
  
"Please tell me what they are. I'm willing to try to fix what I can!"  
  
"Well, the most obvious one is the Seppuku contract. Genma clearly believed that Ranma had failed to become a 'man among men,' and while Ranma and I believe he has succeeded, we both agree that you might feel he's failed due to events in his life beyond his control. We need your assurances, preferably written, that you'll accept Ranma 'as is.' and that the seppuku contract does not apply to him in any way. Seeing as he had not been told what the contract was until 10 years after he finger-painted on it, his signature would likely be inadmissible in court, Ranma's lawyers have told me."  
  
"Ranma has lawyers?"  
  
"Appointed by the state, to differentiate what crimes were caused by Ranma and what crimes were caused by Genma, and what if anything other people are legally allowed to demand from him. The seppuku contract could only be valid if either Ranma understood it at the time of the signing, which is clearly not the case, or Ranma was responsible for his father's promise, which I'm confident the court will rule against when Genma is brought before the court."  
  
"Even if the contract had been explained to Ranma, which it wasn't, the wording of the contract is sufficiently vague, that it could be regarded as entrapment by you. You get to decide what constitutes a 'man among men' and fail to elaborate it either in the contract or to Ranma at the time the contract was written. You could, for example, decide that a 'man among men' must be at least three meters tall, and demand his death for lack of height. Trust me that you will want to have publicly destroyed the contract before you see the lawyers that determine if you are an accessory to Ranma's abuse."  
  
Nodoka shudders, "I'll gladly give you all copies of the contract, and let Ranma destroy them. I'll also write up a document freeing Ranma of all expectations."  
  
"Next, we have to deal with Genma. You'll have to distance yourself from Genma. Genma has apparently done nothing but harm to Ranma physically, socially, mentally, and to Ranma's honor. You'll have to show us that you are willing to protect Ranma from all of Genma's actions at least as well as we are doing."  
  
Nodoka smiles slightly, "This morning I had Genma declared ronin, removed him from the family registrary, and filed papers for an uncontested annulment."  
  
This shocks Yanagawa. "Uncontested annulment? For it to be uncontested, Genma had to agree, and he still hasn't been caught."  
  
"The police haven't caught him yet, but he will be turned over to them by the people who caught him as soon as he's made a few more efforts to separate his misdeeds from Ranma. I have here a list of crimes he's committed that he's been able to remember, some of them in Ranma's name. I'm not sure, but I think that this is equivalent to a confession, as he's signed it on the bottom. His signature and hanko-stamp predate the annulment and casting out of the clan. I'm in the process of copying his diary, and collating a list of dates and places that might yield further information."  
  
"I wasn't expecting an annulment."  
  
"It could be contested with DNA-testing, proving that Genma really is Ranma's father, but I don't think Genma will have the chance to do that. Legally, my marriage to Genma was never consummated due to 'extreme male impotence' and Ranma was a 'youthful indiscretion' with an unnamed third male. And Genma signed it." Nodoka giggles. "I don't know why, but having that go on his record gives me more pleasure than kicking him out of my clan."  
  
"That will help alot, but we still need to protect Ranma from other clans, from the Tendos to clans we haven't heard from yet that might demand Ranma fulfill his father's promises."  
  
"Even if Genma committed seppuku it wouldn't protect from all of the claims."  
  
"The major ones are easily handled. The Kuonji and the Tendo claims were made after they had full knowledge that Genma was a man of dubious character. Ranma's lawyers are drafting injunctions against those families to be issued after Genma is convicted. In theory they could be overturned, but in order to do so, Kuonji senior and Soun Tendo would have to admit that they knew Genma was a lying thief, and still wanted him in their family, effectively dragging their name through the mud, and not guaranteeing that they would gain anything anyway. Ranma, himself, got rid of the Amazon's claims, and the Daitokuji's gambled away their claim, as weak as it was, before we got involved."  
  
Yanagawa continues, "The problem is protecting him from claims he knows nothing about."  
  
Nodoka reminds "He's still vulnerable to claims made against the Saotome School of Anything Goes as long as he's a student and Genma's the master. The grandmaster of the school is Happosai, and only he can declare a new master of the school."  
  
"The grandmaster of the school has been a wanted man for over 20 years. If Genma certified that Ranma were a master of anything goes, Ranma could start a third school of anything goes, for example 'the aerial school of anything goes' leaving Genma as the only practitioner of 'Saotome school of anything goes'. Happosai could contest it, but not without risk to himself."  
  
"Genma is pathetically eager to please at this point; I think he'll voluntarily sign a teaching license for Ranma without noticing it isn't for the Saotome School."  
  
"The last obstacle is the courts. Genma has to be convicted, which is inevitable once he gets to court, and the prosecuting attorney's office has to decide whether to prosecute you as an unknowing accessory. I will put in a good word for you, and list all of the things you've done to protect Ranma, but it's inevitably up to them if it should go to court. If it goes to court there's every chance that the case will either be dismissed, a suspended sentence, or community service. Any of those would allow you to be reunited with Ranma."  
  
Yanagawa suggests, "You should consult with your lawyers. It's usual in cases like this to plea bargain. Such cases involve a formal admission of guilt with a pre-agreed punishment, like community service, rather than the expense and risk of a full trial. It's also much faster."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Meanwhile, back at Furinkan High school, Kuno appeared, dressed in a cloak that covered him head-to-foot, with the exception of a pair of white gloves, and a white mask. An ill-concealed bokken strapped to his waist could be seen tenting the fabric of the cloak in a manner which, if viewed from a certain angle, was quite lewd.  
  
Ill-concealed disposable lighters set to their highest settings made twin jets of flame form above his hands, which were spread wide apart, as if waiting foe someone to run into his arms for a hug, and to get their hair burned off as a result. "Vampire Princess Pig-tailed girl! We must go and send the Shinma masquerading as a Hawaiian principal to the Underdark!"  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"Ranma, things are going well in separating you from the consequences of Genma's actions; and your mother is cooperating. She's agreed that the seppuku pledge doesn't apply to you, which means at some point soon, you're going to have to show her the effects of the curse."  
  
"I knew it was gonna happen eventually, I just don't want her fainting or nothing when I show her."  
  
"The fainting is usually the result of excessive shock, especially of having your world turned upside down all at once. Unofficially we know she's got Genma locked up somewhere, and is waiting before she turns him over to the authorities. She must have an idea how Jhusenkyou curses work by now. I recommend breaking it to her in parts. Let her come to grips with each part over time before meeting you."  
  
"Sounds like a plan. What do you recommend?"  
  
"I'd send her a message saying only that you have a Jhusenkyou curse, and offering her photographs of both your forms. I'm not even sure she knows what you look like, so I'm sure she'll want the photos. This will give her time to accept what she thinks is the worst, you turning into some weird animal, while she comes in. Then, when she sees the photographs, she'll have time to accept that the worst didn't happen, only the weirdest. Finding out that she already met you in cursed form. She should be startled, but relieved. Then when she meets you, she won't faint, just ask you lots of embarrassing questions. But all mothers do that."  
  
"OK, but I'd like the photos to be normal photos. Most of the photos of me in my cursed form have been used to blackmail or for perverts to obsess over. It should be just me in both forms, standing up, wearing my ordinary clothes."  
  
"There's a photo shop in my office building that's used primarily for passport photos where we can get them made cheaply."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Genma was sweating in his chains. He has long since unlocked his forbidden techniques to escape. His vacuum blades had made short work of the chains, and tried to sneak out while invisible, but he discovered that having Nodoka swipe the katana through the open doorway when he was trying to get out of the room, cutting him, had a side effect of bringing him out of his invisibility technique.  
  
Genma was fighting for his life. Well, he was begging for his life. So far, he still held out hope that he could emerge from this, and fix things so that Ranma had to fix it. That meant he had to avoid the two actions that would guarantee the death penalty: Telling Nodoka about Ranma's curse, or injuring his wife while trying to escape.  
  
The first he had to avoid because he didn't realize Nodoka had voluntarily rescinded the seppuku pledge. As long as she didn't make him commit seppuku, he could beg and plead his way out. Eventually.  
  
The second, he only briefly considered. With his vacuum blades he could get by Nodoka, but not without seriously injuring her or killing her. He still had feelings for Nodoka, even if he was too selfish to truly love her, and he had sealed those techniques for a reason. He was a petty thief and con-man, and therefore not pursued by the police very stringently. That's how he survived for years. But if he killed someone, he'd become nationally known. And in foreign countries it's nearly impossible to trade things that don't belong to him, things like his son. He might have to even learn a second language! And besides, fleeing the country would leave no way to fix this.  
  
He couldn't even kill her and frame someone else! There were video cameras in here, and he thought he saw one outside. The cops would pin him to the scene of the crime even if he attacked while invisible, and if he only wounded her while escaping, she'd go to the police.  
  
Nodoka, on the other hand was not quite as scrupulous with the law while questioning her husband. No one would fault her for her use of withholding deliciously smelling food to 'torture' her husband, or the death of a thousand paper cuts administered with the katana. Genma never understood her threat to make him 'unique', although he feared it none-the-less. The word Nodoka actually used wasn't 'unique', but 'eunuch.'  
  
It was the drugs that Nodoka resorted to that might get her in trouble. It was the sodium pentothal to loosen his tongue, and the animal tranqs when she had to go out.  
  
Still, Genma never hinted that Ranma was cursed, lest his wife ask for clarification.  
  
All of this proved for naught when Nodoka was finally offered photos of Ranma in his normal and cursed form.  
  
Unbeknownst to Genma, Nodoka didn't dare kill him, or even 'permit' him to commit seppuku. Nodoka needed him alive to give to the police. But Nodoka knew the police weren't going to be fussy over what condition he was in.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"Ranma, What do you want to do about Soun Tendo and his daughters? From the stories that you told, he's not going to give up, just becuse he doesn't have Genma's help and he loses any legal right to compel you. His drugging you and his daughter shows he doesn't care much about legality, so he'll likely ignore the court's ruling the engagement's solely Genma's responsibility."  
  
"Unfortunately, he's a bully. The only way to make him back down is through superior cruelty. Luckily he's a true bully, collapsing at the first sign of serious opposition."  
  
"So what would make him collapse, without the threat of physical violence?"  
  
"I can force his hand, but not until the court rules Genma's promises are non-binding. I can threaten to publish his biggest shame if he doesn't accept the court ruling."  
  
"But all of the members of the community over 25 already know all about the Hamster and the kumquat story."  
  
"No, this is something else. What's the Hamster story?"  
  
"Well, Soun was already engaged, it was about two months before the wedding, when ..."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"... looked like an extremely mobile erection, before it bit the vicar on his unmentionables."  
  
"Oh, man. I wish I could have seen that!"  
  
"It was over a year before his sermons mentioned St. Francis of Assisi, and even then it was in reference to oxen and donkeys, never the little creatures of the field."  
  
There's a good deal more snickering, before he asks Ranma "Well, what about the Tendo daughters?"  
  
"Kasumi's no problem at all. Nabiki and Akane have wounded pride, and will try to strike back at me. Kasumi is the only one in the family who doesn't hold onto a grudge for dear life. Akane's more or less defanged, as long as the restraining order's in effect. Nabiki's the dangerous one, because I can't predict her. She usually goes for threatening to make Akane mad at me, or blackmailing me for money. She did threaten to tell my mom about my curse, but that won't help her at all."  
  
"So nothing she's done in the past will work, but she's clever enough to find something new. Any way to knobble her?"  
  
"Only if I can come up with some means to make her help me out of enlightened self interest. Oh, sure, I could get her arrested, or threaten her, but that'd be really wrong, and probably cost me Kasumi's good will. I'm gonna have to just react to whatever she tries. If it gets too bad, I can suggest mom talk to her. I think a threat of retaliation from mom would go much farther than anything from me. She's also my fallback for keeping Soun in line."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
The next day, in class, Ranma makes an announcement. "Yesterday afternoon, our vice principal was convicted for collusion of child abuse, and contempt of court. He received a two year suspended sentence, making him a convicted criminal on parole. His parole stipulates that he can't work with children, at least during his parole, so he'll have to either resign, or go back to jail. Unfortunately, it looks like the principal will escape this scandal unscathed. Better luck next time."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
In Mr. Yanagawa's office, Nodoka sits, stunned, looking at the two photos. "Tendo Ranko?"  
  
"Genma Saotome insisted that Ranma hide, afraid you'd make him commit seppuku. The Tendos supported the deception. Ranma tried to tell you several times. This is the first time he's succeeded."  
  
"He just waited until I gave up the contract."  
  
"Not so. He and I had a long talk about the contract, and whether to tell you about the curse. I told him the contract wasn't legally binding. Ranma said he had to keep his promises. I pointed out that if he committed seppuku, you'd be charged with murder. We decided not to tell you about the curse until it were clear whether or not you'd be considered a competent parent. While the courts haven't decided on your compliance of child abuse, Ranma has decided to trust you. That's why he sent you the pictures."  
  
"When can I see him?"  
  
"As soon as Genma's in police custody."  
  
"May I use your phone? I need to report the location of a fugitive."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
That lunch, Ranma decides to play 'taunt the Akane', hopefully distracting Soun and Nabiki from any effective resistance. "Akane." Ranma sings out in an irritating manner. "You know how you're always asking why Ryouga and I fight all the time?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Well, Ryouga's too embarrassed to tell you, and I'm honor-bound never to tell anyone. But I bet Nabiki knows, and she really should have told you. I know Soun knows, and he's actually honor bound to have told you, but for some reason he hasn't."  
  
"So tell me!"  
  
"I'm honor bound not to tell anybody. You're going to have to ask Ryouga, or your family. Although I doubt you'll get Soun to do anything except cry. He's keeping secrets again, just like he never mentioned we were engaged until the day I arrived. If you can't get him to admit it, I bet Nabiki could get the information."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Nabiki corners Ranma and says "OK, Ranma, give!"  
  
"You want more information on the vice-principal's conviction? I've told everyone pretty much all I know."  
  
"Don't play cute. Why are you and Ryouga always fighting?"  
  
Ranma sighs. "Don't you Tendos listen to anything? I told Akane twice that I was forbidden on my honor from telling."  
  
"Well, Saotome honor isn't worth much, is it?"  
  
"Mom thinks highly enough of it to defend it with her sword. Shall I tell her you've insulted it?" Ranma continues before Nabiki can respond "Perhaps you're unaware that Genma is ronin, and not my father, on several levels?"  
  
"When did that happen?"  
  
"You don't need me to figure that out. It's public record."  
  
"What about the engagements?"  
  
"That's still undecided. But don't worry, your father and Kasumi will be two of the first to know."  
  
"You don't dare cancel the Tendo engagement. Our family honor is at stake."  
  
"Of course not. I don't want your honor stained. However, as I've said before, family honor is a double edged sword, and everyone's been waving it at me from all directions, and until now I've been taking injuries to protect all of you. But that's over, and I'm not gonna save you from yourselves, just as I can't save Akane from arrest if she violates the restraining order, and attacks me. You're running out of time to get your own house in order."  
  
"Our house IS in order!" Nabiki pauses a moment and adds "Well, except for daddy."  
  
"Exactly. The disciple of Happosai, who provided him with free room and board at least up until a few days ago, while telling the town council he was hard at work trying to catch the panty thief. Your father knows why Ryouga and I fight, and by saying nothing, shames himself and Akane. If I could break this vow not to speak, the Tendo's honor would be trash. I wonder if you can patch it up before Ryouga gives it away by accident?"  
  
"You can't be serious."  
  
"If this were the old days when honor meant as much as your father seems to pretend, it could lead to BOTH Akane and your father having to go ronin or commit seppuku. And I've been beaten up by Akane many times because I tried to fix it. Now it's your turn. And you better remember that when you get to the truth, and Soun and Ryouga try to blame me for something out of my control, but in theirs, that if Akane comes looking for revenge from me, she'll be doing time in jail. I'm sure someone as clever as you can get the secret from your father, keep it from becoming general knowledge, and keep your sister from automatically blaming me?"  
  
--------------------------------  
  
A furious Nabiki enters the bar, spins the tipsy Soun Tendo around to face her and says "We are going somewhere private to talk. You are going to answer my questions fully, or you will never be able to speak to your daughters again."  
  
"Waaah! My daughter hates me."  
  
"I told you you'd be dead to us if you didn't agree, and instead of agreeing, you're crying. This is your last warning. Stop crying and follow me right now, or you'll never speak to any of your daughters ever again! This is bloody serious," Nabiki cursing was unusual enough to shock Soun, "and if you can't pull yourself together right now, then the Tendos are better off without you."  
  
Nabiki turns and walks out without looking at what her father was doing. Soun follows after like a whipped dog. Nabiki leads him to a bridge over a canal, and turns to Soun and says "You're keeping a secret from us, and it's damaging Akane's honor. You are going to admit it to me, or I'll show Kasumi and Akane my evidence that you care nothing about your daughters and their honor."  
  
Soun looks honestly flabbergasted. "I don't know what you mean."  
  
"I'll give you a hint. It involves Ryouga. Ryouga and Akane's honor. Ryouga is too embarrassed to tell anyone." Soun begins to realize what Nabiki's talking about. "Ranma knows but can't tell due to a promise he made. Ranma's tried to stop it, but always winds up getting beat up over it. But you've tarnished your honor by not saying anything. Well you're going to tell me now."  
  
Soun says in a quiet voice, almost to himself "Are you talking about how I haven't said anything about Akane and Ryouga sleeping together?"  
  
Nabiki barely manages to avoid shouting. Her experience in ferreting information has shown that she had to pretend to have already known that, so to get more information from her father, she needed to answer with either a definite positive or negative answer. She wasn't sure this was what Ranma was talking about, but it was something she had to know more about, so she said "Yes. You're going to tell me all about it."  
  
"Well I didn't make the connection until it had been going on for months. Ranma had been trying to stop it from the beginning, and he was definitely jealous. It helped drive Akane and Ranma together, and since Akane didn't realize it, she couldn't yell at us."  
  
"And why did it take you months to make the connection?"  
  
"Well I only saw Ryouga change once, when he jumped into the furo while I was in it to change back to normal."  
  
Nabiki's mind finally had the piece it needed. Her thoughts ran "Ryouga turns into something else. Akane doesn't realize she sleeps with Ryouga, so he sleeps with her while transformed. Akane sleeps alone, or with P-chan. Ryouga is P-chan." Nabiki's voice became colder, "So to make Ranma jealous you didn't tell Akane that her pet was really Ryouga. And because of it, he's slept in her bed, listened to her secrets, watched her undress, and nuzzled her breasts. And on top of that, since half the school knows of Akane's pet, if Ryouga's curse gets out, you'll have allowed her honor to be publicly smeared. Did I leave out anything?"  
  
"Akane's honor?"  
  
"She'll be known as the girl who slept around with her fiancee's enemy. She'll be called a slut. A harlot. And you couldn't be bothered to protect her."  
  
"But. But that wouldn't happen. People won't find out."  
  
"They will if anyone with half a brain sees Ryouga get splashed with water. Daddy, you idiot! One of us is going to tell Akane tonight. I'm not going to join such a shabby cover-up that's bound to be exposed, and can't be concealed. So tell me is there any honor in Soun Tendo left? Are you going to admit everything to Akane or do I have to?"  
  
"You can't! She'll kill me. How much do you want to keep quiet?"  
  
"There isn't enough money! This can't be kept quiet forever! I'm telling her tonight after dinner. Let's see if you have the guts to find her and tell her all of the truth. Not just that Ryouga's P-chan, but that you kept it from her. If you have any honor left you'll find her and tell her yourself." Nabiki turns and walks away.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"Where's P-chan!" Akane shouts by way of greeting upon arriving home from school.  
  
Nabiki smiles. "I didn't think Daddy had the guts to tell you."  
  
"Yes daddy came to school, and told me he just saw Ryouga getting splashed with cold water and turn into P-chan!"  
  
Nabiki's voice drops. "Daddy lied to you." Akane's anger was derailed by confusion and by how furious Nabiki was. "You mean Ryouga's not P-chan?"  
  
"No. I mean he didn't 'just find out.' He's known all along Ryouga was P-chan. He would never have bothered to tell you if I hadn't found out today and promised to tell you tonight. Daddy didn't care what that molester did to you as long as he could use it in his plans to get you and Ranma married. Daddy didn't care that if anyone at school found out about it. The whole school would be saying Akane fucks her fiancee's enemies.' Daddy didn't care that someone was spying on his daughter, and nuzzling her cleavage, as long as he could use it to manipulate his family. Soun Tendo has no honor. None. Luckily only Ranma and we know it."  
  
"No." Akane's face was a mask of horror. "There must be some mistake. You're wrong. You must be! He wouldn't do that to me."  
  
"He told me, himself this afternoon. Ranma verified it. Daddy..." Nabiki pauses, "Soun Tendo has no honor, and can't be trusted not to harm his daughters. I'm not about to throw away my family name to disown him. But I'm damned if I'm calling him father!"  
  
--------------------------------  
  
The next morning, as Akane and Nabiki walk to school, they spot Ranma. Akane, still angry, hurt, and feeling betrayed by Ryouga, Soun, and Ranma, screams "Ranma!" and starts to charge him intent on violence, until she's tripped by Nabiki.  
  
"If you do anything to Ranma" Nabiki hisses, "You'll be going to jail. If anyone asks why you attacked, everyone will learn about P-chan, and you will be known as the biggest whore in the jail. You will go to school, and you will leave Ranma to me. Understood?"  
  
Ranma overhears all of this, and after Nabiki shoos Akane to go to school ahead of them, Ranma turns to Nabiki and says. "Nice save. You did leave Akane believing she had a right to be angry at me."  
  
This pushes Nabiki's patience over the edge. "Of course she has reason to be mad at you! You put your honor over her own!"  
  
"After all of the clues I dropped? I risked my honor for her, something neither Soun nor Ryouga gave a damn about. Both of them trashed Akane's honor, and then took advantage of my attempts to protect Akane. And all along Akane hit me for it. The head of the Tendo clan dismisses Akane's honor as worthless, yet I'm supposed to throw away my own for hers?"  
  
"You're her fiancee!"  
  
"Only because of my honor. I should have thrown away my honor because of a commitment based on my honor? Don't make me laugh. I keep my promises. You're mad because Ryouga and Soun played you for a fool, for months. You're mad because I figured it out months before you. But don't take it out on me. Thank me for helping your family out for months, and punish the ones who held your honor cheap."  
  
"Thank you? Why the hell should I thank you?"  
  
"You say I should have thrown away my honor to tell you and Akane? I could have equally thrown away my honor and told the whole world how Akane sleeps with her fiancee's enemy. After all, she was always beating me up for things that weren't my fault. Soun always blamed me for everything, and you made my life hell. I can think of hundreds of reasons to expose the lack of Tendo honor, and only my promise to keep your secret. Why if I revealed Soun's lack of honor, I'd be free from having to marry someone who beats me constantly."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"Soun Tendo?" a suited government employee asks.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I have some legal papers for you to sign."  
  
"What is all this?"  
  
"This is a legal writ stating that since you knew that Genma was a habitual thief and liar when you made your agreement to join the schools, that Ranma Saotome is not responsible to uphold Genma's promise. There is also a copy of the statement making Genma ronin, and a further statement that Ranma Saotome is no longer a member of the Saotome School of Anything Goes."  
  
"But what about our pledge! The schools must be united!"  
  
"The ronin Genma is the only member of the Saotome School of Anything Goes. He is currently under arrest, and awaiting trial. If your daughters wish to marry him, you'll have to make arrangements with the prison warden."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Ryouga turns a corner, and runs into his arch-rival, "Ranma, I've found you at last! For what you've done to Akane, prepare to die!"  
  
"You've forgot about the restraining order already?"  
  
"How dare you hide behind something like that!"  
  
"Never-mind. There's something about Akane you've got to know."  
  
"What happened? Is she alright?"  
  
"Soun told Nabiki about your turning into P-chan."  
  
Ryouga turns white, and then Ranma adds "Then Nabiki told Akane. I kept your damned secret. Now you can no longer dishonor Akane by sleeping and spying on her."  
  
"I'll kill you!" Ryouga screams.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
The top three newspapers ran stories on the gender role reversal of an old tradition. One paper had the headline "Head of family overthrown"  
  
The story goes on to describe how a once-powerful clan, reduced to a father, mother, and three daughters under the age of 10, lost the mother, at which point the head of the family went from honorable behavior to living off of his daughter's efforts. The disciple of the panty thief that had terrorized Nerima was actually on the civic council in charge of catching the pervert. And while he was failing to catch his master, he was giving him free room and board, even going on raids with him, and turning a blind eye while the pervert molested his daughters.  
  
But when the daughters learned that their father, in order to advance his own ambition, had given permission to a boy to sneak into the bed of one of his daughters and molest her, the de jure head of the clan removed the de facto head, and made him ronin, removing Soun Tendo from the Tendo registry.  
  
When asked to comment on the break from tradition where a clan head was kicked out of a clan, the middle daughter replied "The traditional manner of handling a clan head that became so corrupt would have been assassinating the clan head, and making it look like an accident, or seppuku. But we felt that this was more in keeping with our advances in civilized Japan."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
When Ryouga awoke from Ranma's Hiryu Shoten Ha, he was in the local prison hospital, which annoyed Akane and Nabiki beyond belief. They wanted to take him to the vet.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Over Dinner, Nabiki announces, "We now have a major problem. If we do nothing, we'll lose the house within a year."  
  
Akane screams "What! How could that happen?"  
  
"Inheritance tax. The Government can now claim over 50% of everything which was once Soun's and is now ours. He was hoping to get around that by making the house and dojo a wedding gift, but as that plan's fallen through, we either have to raise a ridiculous amount of money, or sell the house."  
  
"I knew it. You're just trying to butter me up into accepting some embarrassing plan to make money off of me!"  
  
"Yeah, right. There's no way I can raise that kind of money. If I could, I'd have bought my own house by now. There are only three choices, and they all stink."  
  
"What are they?"  
  
"The first is doing nothing. In a year the government will seize the house, and we'll be homeless. The second is to sell the house, and move into an apartment. We'll have a decent amount of money left, probably enough to send all of us through university. The third is the middle ground; sell off the dojo, and the backyard, but not the house. Then with another mortgage on the remaining property, we should survive."  
  
"No! You won't sell my dojo!"  
  
"The dojo has no teacher, and no students! We can't afford to keep it."  
  
"I don't care! You can't sell it! It's mine!"  
  
"It's the government's! Unless you can raise twenty to thirty MILLION yen! You couldn't make that kind of money even if you robbed a bank! The dojo is gone! The only question is whether you want to use the money from the dojo to save the house! Even then it might not be enough!"  
  
Akane yelled, "This is all Ranma's fault!"  
  
Nabiki responded, "This is Soun's fault! He had over-mortgaged this house, lived beyond his income, draining the insurance money capital. And threw away the honor of the only person licensed to teach Tendo School of Anything Goes. He failed to train you to the level of Master, so you can't teach. The Tendo School is a DEAD school thanks to him. The house is in financial risk thanks to him. He's screwed things up beyond my ability to fix. There's no way we can keep the dojo. Do you want to use it to save the house, or do we move out?"  
  
--------------------------------  
  
The Tendo daughters sit down for tea at Nodoka's house. Ranma comes in, bearing the tea set and sits down next to Nodoka, facing the girls.  
  
"Kasumi asks where do we go from here?"  
  
Ranma answers "Wherever we want. With the engagements annulled, there's nothing any of us have to do. We're free."  
  
Akane snipes "At the expense of our family."  
  
Ranma laughs. "You didn't have a family. You had three people living together, being bullied and guilt-tripped by a fourth."  
  
Akane shouts "How can you say that!"  
  
"When we first met, everyone shoved the engagement on you! Did your sisters even know you were in love with someone else at the time? Did anyone in your family act to stop Kublai Kuno, and his horde?" Ranma turned to Kasumi, "Did anyone help you with the chores? Help you to get out and meet people you might date? Did your father do any of the things a father should do to allow you to live your own life, or did he just take you for granted, like an unpaied servant?" Ranma turns on Nabiki "And how about you? Did your father care what lengths he drove you to keep the family afloat? Did he thank you for all you've done, or look for steady work to supplement your investments? Did he ask you if you could afford two permanent guests before he invited us? Your family died years before I showed up."  
  
"Daddy loved me!"  
  
"Daddy loved cute little Akane-chan. The little girl who wanted to grow into a martial artist, like daddy, but who was too precious, and fragile to train. Daddy loved the little girl who would always need daddy to protect her. Daddy never bothered to even meet you."  
  
Akane's ready to clobber Ranma when Nabiki said "He's right, Akane."  
  
Akane's head whips around to look at Nabiki; Akane's face a mask of betrayal. Nabiki continued "He never trained you properly. He never took anything you said seriously. If you disagreed with him, he thought it was a phase. He treated you like a five year old, and then when Ranma showed up, he treated you like a possession. After momma died, he stopped loving anybody."  
  
Akane starts weeping, as Kasumi tries to comfort her. Nabiki turns to Ranma, and asked "What about the restraining order on Akane?"  
  
"That stays. She still has her temper. She still thinks about hitting me when I say something she doesn't like. There's no reason she should be allowed to hit me."  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Ukyou runs up to Ranma "What's this about reporting my dowry stolen!"  
  
"If it were a dowry, it would have been presented to me and my bride to start our families. Unfortunately, it was stolen by the ronin, Genma."  
  
"Ronin? When did that happen?"  
  
"Shortly after my parents signed a paper annulling their marriage, and saying that Genma was never my father."  
  
"But what about our engagement?"  
  
"Your father should have received a notice from the courts pointing out that when he made the arrangement with Genma, he knew Genma was a liar and a thief, and had already engaged me. The court has ruled that under those circumstances, the engagement never took place. Your father can refute it in court, but only by admitting publicly that he wanted a thief to marry his six year old, or that he was too stupid to realize the man who stole food from him repeatedly, was a thief."  
  
"But what about my honor?"  
  
"You're free to do whatever you feel you need to do to restore your honor from the two men responsible, your father and Genma. But as I was only Genma's scapegoat, I'm innocent. Genma is in prison awaiting trial. I offered you before to be either your friend or your fiancee. Now I'm only offering friendship."  
  
"I spent ten years chasing you!"  
  
"Your father and Genma will have to recompense you. I did nothing to make you chase me! I'd have stopped you if I knew. I can't take responsibility for something I was powerless to prevent."  
  
"But I love you."  
  
"And I like you. I'm not in love with anyone, though. And I'm not engaged, married, or dating anyone. Do you want to be my friend?"  
  
"Then I'll propose to you. Ranma, will you marry me?"  
  
"No. I'm sorry it has to be like this. Goodbye." Ranma turned, and began to walk away.  
  
"Wait!" Ukyou shouts desperately. "I'd like to be friends."  
  
"I'd like that too."  
  
At that point, Ukyou collapses crying into Ranma's arms, and Ranma lets her cry her old dreams away.  
  
--------------------------------  
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Soun's biggest shame, according to Ranma, is the housing and helping of Happosai, while simultaneously on the council responsible to stop the panty thefts. The community might look down on Soun's attempts to pimp his daughters, but to not only accomplice the thefts from everyone, but to effectively prevent anyone from doing anything to stop Happosai, puts him in the same categories as corrupt cops, and traitors.  
  
And his price for betrayal is so low. He doesn't even get thirty pieces of silver.  
  
The hang-up for writing this story (the reason besides my personal life that this story wasn't finished 2 years ago) was a scene where Nodoka, reunited with Ranma tried to impose her rule over something minor, and Ranma blew his lid.  
  
When I came back to this story, it became obvious that Nodoka and Ranma wouldn't be together, until Nodoka's delusions of adequacy broke.  
  
I'm not going to continue this story. There's no need to show Shampoo and Ukyou trying to win Ranma's love like normal people. If I wanted to write that, I'd do a Maison Ikkoku fic.  
  
This story revolves around the idea that Ranma's simple, predictable nature was aiding everyone, and protecting them from the consequences of their own actions. While they blamed him, they ignored the ways Ranma kept harsh reality at bay for them.  
  
I enjoyed writing the madness bits. Unfortunately, with the introduction of Yanagawa, a plot crept in. With all of my current stories having something of either a dark, or a revenge nature, I'm starting another story designed to never have a plot. Ranma, with wit, and a sense of humor, enjoying life, while all his enemies, family included, struggle in vain to make his life hell. At 1.5k words, it's not worth posting yet. If/when I know it'll survive, I'll start releasing it.  
  
Now I've got to work on the Bitter Memories Rewrite.  
  
Please comment and critique this story. I'd like to improve, and feedback improves my drive to write more. 


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